Is it an omen? A portent? A sign of things to come?

Is it worse to follow Satan on Twitter or to be followed by Satan on Twitter?

One small step for man, one GIANT leap for Flamingo

A couple weeks ago I posted a question about motivation in regards to the gym and such...well, I think I'm finding it.

I was told by an acquaintance who happens to be a trainer at a gym that it takes about 21 days to develop a habit. The day I posted the above-mentioned question, I was talking to B about my concerns and lack of motivation and everything in regards to the gym. Now, if you've read the posts in regards to B, you'll see we were running and it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. At this point, B offered to help me with the gym stuff as well. Now, the running and all was great, but let's just be honest...we live in Utah. There is a limited amount of time that you can go running before the ass crack of dawn and not die from hypothermia, right? Yes, that would be correct. So, B suggested we start going to the gym on some of our mornings together, and I thought to myself "HELL YES!"

So B has now appointed himself as my own personal trainer. Maybe this is a completely wrong approach to take, but I tend to judge a trainer on his/her appearance. If they are toned and have a nice physique, I would assume they have an idea of what they are doing. I've seen several "trainers" at they gym who may have great arms, but they have a god-damned beer belly or something and inspire absolutely no confidence in their training knowledge/abilities. However, B, he has a pretty damned nice physique (and no, this is not me hitting on you...just stating a fact that we both know to be true).

So, for the past two weeks, I have made it to the gym a minimum of three times a week (the first week I did two days on my own after work). Last week would be four if you include our one day of running. For me this is HUGE! Seriously BIG, HUGE! I've just been going down to the gym with him in the mornings (at either 4 or 5 a.m.) and then heading on into work.

Now, this morning, when I called B at 5 a.m. he didn't answer (the rat bastard!). Anyhow, I was laying there calling him all sorts of name in my head (not only is it bad for me because I lose my trainer for the day, but it's bad for him since he doesn't get up). But you know what happened. Instead of rolling over and going back to sleep, I got my ass out of bed and went to the gym ALL ON MY OWN! I went to the gym and I did all of the exercises that I had planned to do with B. I worked the hell outta my chest this morning. I did my bench press, my incline bench press, my decline bench press and some tricep cable thingy! And I didn't half-ass anything. I did it with more weight and pushed myself like I never have on my own. So B, if/when you read this...THANK YOU! Even when you are not there, you are still being an amazing influence on me in this. You are a great friend to help me get this far. But don't expect to be off the hook on still working out with me other mornings. Me going to the gym either with B or on my own, that is a good habit to develop. B not answering his phone, NOT a good habit for B to develop!

This close to being straight > <

Allison Janney...how I love thee...let me count the ways:

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All this love...and it's only Friday...hehe

Best $0.99 I've ever spent!

So, this TFLN app is by far the best $0.99 I have ever spent in my life! I love this site, it's dirty and nasty and I'm in love! And now I can catch up on reading anywhere, anytime!

And the other app, the Sex Facts one, it was free and has over 500 random sex facts (but it's not a sex guide mind you...just the facts ma'am). Some examples are:

44% of couples would have sex in public (Das Eine)

Around 100 B.C. in Babylon all women had to go to the temple of the fertility goddess Mylitta to have sex with a stranger. Only then were the women allowed to marry. The stranger, in return, had to donate money to the temple. (The History of Prostitution)

Sex is the safest tranquillizer in the world.

Males under the age of forty are typically able to achieve an erection in less than ten seconds.

A single sperm has to wiggle its tail 800 times to move forward one centimeter.

A 1998 Details magazine poll showed that 14% of women fantasized about Brad Pitt during sex.

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%.

In Ancient Greece, women exposed their vaginas to the sea to ward off storms (see they are scary)

Yeah, I'm an iPhone whore now...oh well!

Motivational Speaker(s)

I am so struggling with the motivation to go the gym this past week. I have seen a tiny bit in the way of results since I started going a few weeks ago. But still, I'm having a hard time keeping that motivation going. How do I do it? I hear a few friends talk about how going to the gym is an addiction for them. How do you get to that point where you have an addiction to healthy living, both eating, exercising and emotionally (everyone who knows me could agree I need to develop that good kind of addiction in ALL three areas there).

So how do you do it? I was told recently that it takes 21 days to develop a habit (good I'm assuming, because I've developed bad habits way faster than that). But I'm only going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week and I can't even get going on that. So, if anyone who has been successful at developing these good habits and addictions would be willing to share their secrets, I'd be an apt pupil! Oh, and just to throw it out there...I'm not looking for any just do it type shit...I can tell myself that.

Lesbians and straight men should fear me....and no, not for anything like THAT!

True story y'all! When Roommate bought the house we live in last fall or so, it originally had a fence between us and our easternly neighbors. About a month or less after moving in though, a pretty pathetic windstorm knocked down a very large section between our yards and the neighbors (who are really nice and one time stopped our house from blowing up from a gas explosion that probably and most likely would have killed Roommate since his bedroom is like right underneath the gas meter and severely injured or possibly killed me...and yes I know this is a run-on sentence but I'm tired and amped up on caffeine to keep me conscious and so this is how I am talking at the moment so just deal with it)! So yeah, wind + shitty fence = seeing the neighbors backyard 24/7.

Well, then last spring, Roommate bought a good chunk of property from the other neighbor behind us, giving us a good 40 feet or more back there, I like to refer to it as the back 40, original, isn't it... So, earlier this spring, Roommate, his brother, his mom and two of his aunt's decided to build a fence across the back 40, so that eventually, Roommate's mom could let her dog out unsupervised in the back yard. Due to travelling and not wanting to, I wasn't much involved in building that fence. But around that time, I did see these great pre-built fence panels at an amazing deal from Home Depot.

Last week, Roommate asked me if I'd help him get the panels up and the fence built before his mom got into town this week. So we spent several hours Friday and Saturday building this glorious fence. And, let me tell you...it's amazing! Instead of pouring concrete to anchor the posts, we tried these great post spike things...



You sink them into the ground about 2 1/2 feet and they seem pretty good and sturdy. I'm sure that they don't compare to concrete and all, but the helpful Home Depot dude spoke very highly of them...I think he may have needed a wet nap afterwards...

And just so ya know...and maybe it's just me and my girly arms...but a sledge hammer is seriously hard f'ing work! And I may be even more partially deaf from the gong-style ringing every time the hammer came in contact with block of wood in the post spike. And it takes just a bit of effort to pound those spikes some 2 1/2" into the ground all-the-while keeping it level in several different directions!

But we did it! And other than the final post spike not working due to breaking off the tip trying to pound it through buried concrete next to the house (and no, it wasn't the foundation, it was chunks of left over concrete that the builders just decided to randomly in the dirt).

After many hours of hard labor in the sun (which thank god it was only in the 70's on Saturday)....this is what we came up with...





So now all we need is a gate between the house and garage and Roommate's mom's dog will be contained quite nicely! Oh, and Roommate's mom was extremely surprised and happy with the results of the fence. This I know because she made a point of calling me Monday morning when she saw the fence!

And now Roommate and I are planning on going into the construction business...I think we'll call it Homo-HomeBuilders...we'll channel our inner-lesbians and wield them power tools...so beware all you lesbians and straight men!

Oh!

And just in case you were wondering....I'm no longer the red-headed step child!

Once upon a time in Barbie land...

So, I realized the other day that I didn't really explain how my 4:00 a.m. running sessions came about. Friend, who we'll call "B" from now on, and I had a discussion a month or two ago that went something like this...

Part 1...

B: I never make it to work on time. I'm just not a morning person and now I have to be to work at like 5:30 a.m. and I'm not going to make it.

Me: Sucks to be you.

B: Thanks! Ass...

Me: Well, duh! But at least I'm consistent and good at it.

Part 2...

B: Hey ass face...I found a way to help me make it to work on time.

Me: Get a new job with more sane hours?

B: No, jackass! A co-worker offered to take me running with him before work, then I can just go in and get ready at the gym at work...and be on time!

Me: That's great! I liked my sane hour job idea better though.

B: And that's why you're an ass.

Next Morning

Me: Hey there Miss Early-morning Barbie! How was running at 4:00 a.m.?

B: Great! Kicked my ass, but I did it and made it to work on time.

Me: HaHa! Did you wear your pretty pink Barbie pumps when you went running?

B: No, I knew I was forgetting something. But I'll be sure to wear them when you get your ass outta bed and come running.

Part 3...

B: So, today was my last day running with co-worker in the morning.

Me: Did the meds finally take effect then?

B: No you ass hat! He is going to be going running at nights with his wife now.

Me: That blows...what are you going to do to make it to work on time now?

B: I don't know.

Me: Want me to set my alarm and call you every morning and wake your ass up? (See...I can be a good friend)

B: I couldn't ask you to do that.

Me: You didn't ask, I offered. And I wouldn't guarantee every morning.

B: Why don't we just go running instead, since you're ALWAYS bitching and complaining about wanting to go to the gym, work out and get in shape and stuff.

Me: Ummm...okay (This is where my meds STOPPED working obviously)

That was about a week and a half ago that we had part 3 of the conversation. And still working on the consistency thing, we've made it out three times now...with this morning being the third.

I love the feeling I get after I'm done running to be sure. But dear god, it's a cold wash of dread when I hear that alarm go off at 4:00 a.m. But B has been great and he says it's helping him more than me in this whole thing...I call bull shit! I'm definitely getting the better end of the deal on this. So thanks B! You're an amazing friend.

My Life According to P!nk

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title.

Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your Artist: P!nk

Describe yourself: One Foot Wrong

How do you feel: Please Don't Leave Me

Describe where you currently live: Glitter in the Air

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Funhouse

Your favorite form of transportation: 18 Wheeler

Your best friend: Ave Mary A

You and your best friend are: Family Portrait

What's the weather like: Who Knew

Favorite time of day: Let's Get This Party Started

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Stupid Girls

What is life to you: Just Like a Pill

Your relationship: U + Ur Hand

Your fear: Numb

What is the best advice you have to give: God is a DJ

Thought for the Day: It's All Your Fault

How I would like to die: Feel Good Time

My soul's present condition: I'm Not Dead

My motto: So What

The Wall

So, A Friend has been going running in the mornings and I offered/asked to go with him since his other running buddy was going to be ditching him to go running at night with the wifey.

"This will be great!" Flamingo thought to himself.

It'll be a great addition to the 3 times, yes count them, 3 times I've made it to the gym in a little over a week. Now all you fitness buffs out there might scoff and laugh at that measly number of visits to the gym. But for me, it's pretty fucking fantastic. So if you're of the "oh, that's nothing" opinion, you can just go and suck it! I'm feeling pretty damned good about the little progress that I have made, thank you very much!

Now, I've started off well a few times before. I just need to keep the momentum going and not have days like Friday where I completely forgot to take shoes with me to the gym...and yeah, I know some people there work out in flip-flops or whatever footwear they happen to have on, but I don't. Mainly because I do 20-30 minutes of cardio, and that is just not conducive to flip-flop wearing (which I was on Friday).

Anyhow...keeping up the momentum, that's good and that's what I need to do. Another friend told me it takes about 21 days to develop a habit...so only 14 or so more days to go and I'll have a habit (I hope...cause it would sure be nice to intentionally develop a good habit for once instead of all unintentional bad habits I've formed over the years).

So anyhow, got up at 4:00 a.m. this morning to go running with friend. He works some ungodly hours, and so needs to go early. Can't go after work either, because he works a second full-time job. A Friend, if you read this, I have so much respect for all that you do to take care of your brood (and it's a big brood too!)

Anyhow, I did it, ran about a mile and a half with only 3 or so short spurts of walking (like less than a minute or so for each walking spell...which I think is pretty good for an out of shape bird like myself). So yay for me!

Then I went home and went right into the shower...didn't even go back to bed, even though I could have for like an hour or two. Then I got into work about 7:30 a.m. Again, yay for me!

But here it is, mid-morning, and I full-on, balls-to-the-wall, break-neck pace hit the proverbial brick wall! I'm pretty sure if you look really close at the brick wall above, you'll see little bits of birdie brain matter splattered all over from how hard I hit this damn wall. Oh well, if I can keep this momentum going (we're planning on going again tomorrow morning), it'll all be worth it on the trek, cause I sure as hell don't see this being a quick little trip to my new lean, fit, hot body (ha! I can dream, right?).

All shapes and sizes!

Well, you know me, if it's zombie related...I'm posting it. Speaking of which, I'm still working my slow-ass through Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I'm loving it, just slow going for some reason. Hopefully I'll have more to report on it soon!

I do have to say though, my favorite passage from the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies thus far has to be this:

He then asked her to walk into the house--but she declared herself not tired, and they stood together on the lawn. At such a time much might have been said, but nothing was. Elizabeth and Darcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms around her. She was frozen--"What does he mean to do?" she thought. But his intentions were respectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess, which Elizabeth had affixed to her back during the walk. She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, "They belong to you, Miss Bennet."

Oh Shit!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

What do you say? Oops, my bad. I'm sorry? Ha! This is so what I needed on a Monday morning. Hopefully no one got hurt, but what dumbass did they let set the explosives? I thought these building demolition people were supposed to be experts at imploding the building, not rolling the damned thing over. Granted, I'd probably blow myself up long before I could even set a charge, let alone blow the building off it's base. I would kind of just ignore the commentary from the Today Show crew though....it's no where near as funny as watching a f*cking building roll over!