A few pictures from Puerto Rico

I finally understand the phrase "taking your life into your own hands..."

I got back from my amazing trip to Puerto Rico a couple of days ago. I haven't been able to blog since I got home because I think my soul died a little when I stepped off the plane into the sub-freezing degree weather of Salt Lake City. And while I was in Puerto Rico, for just a few days, it was an amazing trip. A friend who travels there frequently told me that Puerto Rico was the ugliest of the Caribbean islands. Well, you know what, I'll take it. Compared to Salt Lake at the moment, it is fucking paradise wrapped in heavenly something or other.

The island reminded me of Miami in a lot of ways. Beaches, palm trees, bars on windows, concrete buildings, just to name a few. And I am sure over the next few days as I readjust to life among the frozen chosen of Utah, I will blog more about it. But for now, I want to talk about the driving situation down there...

Below, I have a somewhat crude diagram of traffic patterns down in the Isla Del Encanto ...



It seems to me that for every one lane painted on the road, it is customary to try and squeeze 1 1/2 or 2 lines of traffic in that one lane. Blinkers, there are merely painted on the cars for decorative effect, much like Lightning McQueen's headlights in Cars. And cutting people off in traffic (especially on the freeway) is considered an art. Also, pretty much every car I saw there had dents and scrapes on the fenders and along side of the cars, with more than just the occasional missing side view mirror. So, as best as I can figure, driving in Puerto Rico feels more than just a little like, what I can only imagine, playing Russian Roulette feels like.

Another fun fact was the parking situation. As you can see from the photo below, sidewalks double as a parking strip down there.



For all it's craziness, I had an amazing time. I loved it! It would be an adjustment, having to always shave my entire body and pluck my eyebrows (both cultural things for men down there I was told), but I think I could totally adjust and live down there!

Paradise Found!!!

On the left, we have the balls-freezing weather of good ole Salt Lake City, Utah. And on the right, we have the oh-my-god-it's-so-fucking-fantasicly-warm-beautiful weather of San Juan, Puerto Rico!



So, in less than 24 hours from this very minute, I will be in San Juan, Puerto Rico. I am pretty sure that when I do have to come home next week, I will die from the sudden drop of like 60 degrees in temperature, but you know what? For those few wonderful days in between, I'll be livin' and lovin' in the sand and surf of the Caribbean!



For those of you who know me, I so need this. My outlook on life has totally matched the shitty weather hear in Salt Lake City. I'm still working on the goals I put forth in this post. I wish I could say I have been more successful at accomplishing these goals. I don't think I'm totally failing, but I'm not succeeding either. So, this little mini-vacation should do me a shit-load of good (the good kind of shit-load). I'm excited to go, you can probably imagine how I'm bouncing off the god-damned walls today. Just need to make it through a few more hours if work and then I'll be taking the red-eye to JFK and on to SJU.

Oh, and even better, I've been told the guys in Puerto Rico (the ones of the gay persuasion) love, love, love blond hair and blue eyes! Now, I'm technically of the light brown hair type, but I've been told by a reliable source that I will pass. And I'm also so excited to see my friend who I am going down there to see. He's down there going to school. And I know it's hard on him being away from his family, but honestly.... he lives in my idea of paradise! And to make things even better, another good friend just happens to going to be in PR for work while I'm there. Hopefully I'll have some good stories and pictures to share when I get back. Until then, hasta luego!!!

This is "us" time....

I just had yet another incident in the bathroom. Good god people! Standing at the urinal in the men's restroom IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE TIME OR PLACE FOR A CONVERSATION! Seriously, it is "us" gestures from chest in the classic "I" motion to penis time, "us" time I say. It is not the time to discuss work projects. It is not the time to discuss "how are you" topics. Don't ask about my family. Don't ask about my day. Just don't fucking talk, period! Why do some people not get that?

So, to solve this problem of people with no god damned bathroom etiquette, I put forth the following... staff each men's restroom (I don't know if women have this problem, and I don't spend time in women's restrooms, so I don't give a shit to be honest)with a librarian ghost. You know the one from Ghostbusters? She can stand there doing whatever it is she does, and when those bathroom talkers begin to talk, she can politely do the "shhhhh" that she (or he) is so good at. Then if they repeat the offense (and yes, it is an offense), she can give them a second, somewhat more stern and empathic "SHHHH!!!"



And then, if the offender continues to talk in the bathroom... she (again, or he) can give them the "bwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" And promptly kill them and send their wretched soul to hell, where it belongs!

in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits

BARTLET
I'm sorry, um... you're Dr. Jenna Jacobs, right?

JENNA JACOBS
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
It's good to have you here.

JENNA JACOBS
Thank you.

BARTLET
The awesome impact of the airwaves and how that translates into the furthering of our national discussions but obviously also how it can... how it can...

He sighs, and addresses Jenna Jacobs again

BARTLET
Forgive me, Dr. Jacobs. Are you an M.D.?

JENNA JACOBS
Ph.D.

BARTLET
A Ph.D.?

JENNA JACOBS
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
In Psychology?

JENNA JACOBS
No sir.

BARTLET
Theology?

JENNA JACOBS
No.

BARTLET
Social work?

JENNA JACOBS
I have a Ph.D. in English Literature.

BARTLET
I'm asking, 'cause on your show, people call in for advice and you go by the name of
Dr. Jacobs on your show. And I didn't know if maybe your listeners were confused by that, and assumed you had advanced training in Psychology, Theology, or health care.

JENNA JACOBS
I don't believe they are confused, no sir.

BARTLET
Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.

JENNA JACOBS
I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.

BARTLET
Yes, it does. Leviticus.

JENNA JACOBS
18:22

BARTLET
Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here.
I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. (small chuckles from the guests) She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, and always clears the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff, LeoO McGarry, insists on working on the Sabbath, Exodus 35:2, clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important, 'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes us unclean, Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother, John, for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads?

Think about those questions, would you? One last thing, while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tightass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.


President Bartlet to Jenna Jacobs The Midterms

Happy Thanksgiving!

For flowers that bloom about our feet;
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
For song of bird, and hum of bee;
For all things fair we hear or see,
Father in heaven, we thank Thee!

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Congratulations Real Salt Lake!!!

Congratulations Real Salt Lake!!!

Maybe next year instead of saying, "I should," I will make it out to a game. I'm not really any good at soccer, but I do enjoy going to the games.