What goes up doesn't always come back down...

So, over the weekend, I did Christmas with my family. Mom and Dad came up (separately, but together...long, long, long divorce involving story) on Saturday. Mom and I stayed at Cousin's place and Dad stayed at the Carlton just down the street. Which, apparently was originally built as a hotel in the 20's, but then converted into a hotel in the 40's...but I digress.

Anyhow, at Cousin's place, I park in the guest parking garage about half a block down. So, Sunday morning, Dad, Mom, Cousin and I decide to go to breakfast. Now mind you, this garage is pretty much open to the cold, no heaters and very few actual outside walls beyond tin and mesh I think.

I park up on the third floor of said parking structure. Now, there is an elevator in the place. But a very old one that I took once and said "never again!" I do admit I have a bit of a phobia of elevators. I'll ride in them just fine, but I always have to look for the escape hatch at the top. I'd probably never have the testicular fortitude to actually pop it open and climb out it in the case of an emergency, but I like knowing it's there. This one elevator doesn't have one that I recall. And besides that, it is the slowest elevator ever created.

So, Mom and I walk up the couple flights of stairs and are waiting at the car. No Dad, no Cousin. Start the car, spend 5 - 10 minutes kicking off all of the snow and ice that has accumulated in the wheel wells and whatnot...still no Dad, still no Cousin.

About that time, I voice the thought that "maybe they got stuck in the elev..." and then my phone rings. Guess who? Yup, it's Dad. Guess where he is? Yup, stuck in the god damn elevator. Now, Dad and Cousin, neither of them are looking to win any medals in an Olympic gymnastic contest anytime soon. I love them both to death, but yes...they are a bit....well, there is just more of them to love, bless their little hearts.

Now I mention that, because as we wait for them to get hold of security and get out of the elevator, they decide to take matters into their own hands. Dad, somehow, manages to force open the doors to the elevator. They are stuck somewhere between the third and fourth floors. I think they were about 12" - 18" from being all the way on the fourth floor. So, they do manage to do a flashy little maneuver and climb out of the elevator.

Walked by the same elevator later in the day...all four floors have signs that read "Elevator is Temporarily Out of Service". With the door to the fourth floor still gaping open from Dad and Cousin's daring escape.

God, I love time with my crazy family!

This is why we can't have nice things!

So, roommate, roommate's mom (who is staying with us) and I have been watching roommate's brother's dog for the past week. Christmas Eve, went to dinner with roommate and his mom. We were then about to go out and look at the lights when I remembered I had left a gift with a bag of coffee in it on the floor...and knowing Dog as I do, I decided we had better go home so that I can remove temptation from Dog's view.

Now, I want to make a note here about Dog. I have house/dog sat for roommate's brother before and have grown quite fond of dog here. That being said...this is probably the most devious canine in existence. When you, or anyone for that matter, is around, Dog is the most obedient and well behaved animal ever! But as soon as no one is around, Dog, who under normal observed circumstances cannot even jump up into a car, seems to perform extraordinary feats.

So, we come home and I go and pick up the coffee/present and put it up atop the curio cabinet where I KNOW Dog cannot reach. At this point, we round up Dog and put him in the car with us to go look at the lights. It's then that roommate's mom asks me how much fudge was left in the little tin tray that had been up on the cabinet. Turns out Dog had pulled one of his feats of gymnastics and pulled the tray down off of the counter and eaten all of the contents, as well as a portion of the tin foil tray it had been in.

So, we call roommate's brother to ask what do to. Dog is notorious for his love of all things chocolate and therefore deadly to him. The advised course of action....is to induce vomiting. Now, I can barely handle vomiting when it's me. Let alone a dog....ugh! Just the sound of wretching all but induces dry heaves in me...so needless to say...I stood in the kitchen and looked up dogs and chocolate on the internet while roommate and his mom took care of the vomiting dog.

So it was quite the Christmas Eve to be sure. Dog is okay, there seems to be no effects of the chocolate he ate and then threw up. The bathtub is now much, much cleaner after a good soaking in clorox after the incident.

Now Introducing....

So here they are...Chuck's new tank mates. On the left here, we have Francois and Jean-Paul on the right. Francois is the slightly larger and muscly of the two. I'm sure if you look close enough you will also see a tiny curled mustache on him. And Jean-Paul is just as French, but he kept taking his beret when I would try to take the picture. You may ask yourself why I bought two this time. It may be a bit crowded in the tank, true. But I figure that after my last frog experience, it might be a good idea to have a spare.

So here they are. Chuck seemed a bit indifferent when I introduced them yesterday afternoon at work. I expect they will be fast friends though. When I get back on Monday, I'm sure they will all be close as peas in a pod! Come to think of it...I hope they are all still alive on Monday. Good thing I left a note for friend at work to feed them on Friday.

A Very Cheery Lesbian-filled Christmas!

Blockbuster online just informed me they shipped discs 1, 2, and 3 of season 5 of the L Word...looks like I'm going to be up to my ears in hot lesbians for the holidays! Yeah, baby!!!

Have a Beary Fairy Christmas!

So, when does it become acceptable to back-hand a stranger's kid? How about when you are standing in line for over an hour at the damn build your own teddy bear place and people let their !$&#ing kids run wild? Now, I realize, kids are kids and standing still when you are in a long-ass line is virtually impossible. However, letting your kids REPEATEDLY jostle, push, shove and generally abuse the other people standing in line around you, well, frankly, I think that just crosses the line. It also might be not as much of an issue if the parents of said hell spawn made even the vaguest attempt at controlling their demon offspring. BUT THEY DON'T!!! They don't even acknowledge the fact that their kid has basically committed felony battery upon a fellow human being. At least I had the decorum to maintain myself and not back-hand the child or parent...thank god that self-control impulse kicks in every great once-in-awhile!

Now that I've gotten that off my chest (I'm down to a large D-cup side of complaints mind you)...a very good friend of mine told me all he wanted for Christmas was a hug. Well, this guy has had just one hell of a year. Family medical problems have pretty much been the bane of his existence. All of that on top of working full time, sometimes two or three 14-hour shifts a week as well as going to school full-time. Sometimes (often time), I get frustrated with him because he doesn't seem to 'make' the time to hang out or get together. I just want him to know (if he reads this), that even though I don't always show it, that I understand and appreciate everything he is doing, and that I am so very proud of him. Love your guts to pieces! So, for this, I braved the hell-spawn infested bear factory to make this for him. I'm not always there to give him a hug when he needs one, so I hope this little fairy bear can fill in when he needs one and there is no one there to give him one. He should also know that inside this little cuddle (not big and muscley) bear there a little purple (as opposed to the red or red-white checkered) heart buried in it's synthetic material stuffed chest. And I had to do some damn embarrassing things as part of the assembly process. It involved kissing the heart, rubbing it on my head and there may have been turning in circles three times as well as wish-making during all of this. You bet your ass I must love you or something!

So...now that the bear is stuffed and filled...you've gotta dress it. Do I go with the scrubs (since he's going into the medical field)? No. Do I go with an outfit that in someway shape or form connects to his life in a reasonable, easily discerned way? Oh hell no! What do I pick? A god-damn fairy outfit. Why you may ask...because it's for one of my most favorite fairies in the world!

Frog legs anyone?

So, now that I'm not travelling for a month or two, I thought I'd look into getting Chuck a new friend for his tank in at the office. He's seemed pretty down and somewhat depressed (if my fish psychology is correct) So Friday, I was out shopping with my mom, and decided to stop in at one of the national pet store chains near my house.

I asked one of the oh-so-knowledgeable sales associates where I would find the aquatic frogs. So he pointed me in the general direction of a tank about half-way down the row of tanks. So, as I'm looking in this tank, I see no less than eight, yes eight, frogs laying belly-up on the bottom of the tank.

When the other oh-so-knowledgeable sales associate comes over and asks me if I am interested in purchasing a frog, I point out that most of the visible frogs in the tank are DEAD, he proceeds to stick his hand, up to the elbow in the water and pokes several of the frog corpses. Guess what, they didn't move...surprise, surprise!

He then lifts a rock and a dozen or so live frogs scatter throughout the tank. At this point he asks, "How many frogs would you like?" Needless to say, I'd rather not buy a frog that comes from a tank full of DEAD frogs. I think I'll just wait until the non-national chain pet store I originally bought Chuck and the late Ed from gets more frogs in stock.

The Marriage Argument...

I really try not to get too political or anything when I write these entries. Partially, because I know what I believe and what I support, but I don't always do the best at explaining that to other people. And I'm not big on confrontation, which seems to be what happens when people who have different belief systems come together and 'discuss' topics such as politics, religion, gay rights, etc. But I came across these couple of items and just had to share them. Take away from them what you will, but for me, I think they really lay it out very well. I don't think I've ever really heard anyone put it in such a rational and common-sense argument, without getting over-heated, as Jon Stewart did here. Thank you Jon!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Newsweek also had a really great article about the whole bible aspect of the religious argument against gay marriage, and you can read it here

Trains, planes and grackles

So, lately, my life has become extremely boring or perhaps I am just failing to find the humor in it (which is most likely the case).

I spent last week in Lubbock Texas for work. This trip was a lot more laid back. No 16 hour days there. I was just doing training with an existing client and so only had to work the hours they were open. I met some really great people working down there too. All-in-all, it was a really great trip...for the most part.

I was more than just a little shocked that it was colder there than it was here in Salt Lake City. I was in Texas for god's sake! But no...all my life, I'd been living with the misconception of Texas being warm. Another fun feature of Texas (both Corpus Christi and Lubbock) is the grackle. Grackles are these evil demon-souled birds that I encountered in Texas.

There is never just a few of these birds. Every time I've seen them, they were massed in the hundreds if not thousands. These are the birds that at a squirrel while a few of us watched in horror. Okay, so maybe they didn't 'eat' the squirrel, but they sure as hell tormented the poor thing. On Staples Road in Corpus Christi, they would line the power lines for blocks. Solid lines of birds that just when on and on. In Lubbock, they again massed in the hundreds in the tree right out side of my hotel window. And these birds are LOUD! And let's not even get into what my car looked like after the grackles were done with it...let's just not.

I had quite the experience on the flight from Houston to Salt Lake City last Friday as part of this trip. I was flying on an ERJ-145 (see below). It's a smaller commuter jet that seats around 60 or so. It''s got an interesting seat layout. There is one row of seats on one side of the plane, and then two rows across the isle. Anyhow, somewhere over New Mexico or Colorado or somewhere, the plane started falling apart.

Luckily...it was the inside of the plane. Now, I'd rather it not fall apart at all, mind you, but at least if it's one of the panels below the overhead storage bins falling off, the plane most likely is going to be just fine and stay airborne. It made for something of an entertaining flight anyhow.

So...that and getting my Christmas shopping done last weekend has pretty much been my life for the past couple of weeks. I'll try to do better with keeping up on posts here and hopefully they'll be a bit more entertaining and not so blah...