What goes up doesn't always come back down...

So, over the weekend, I did Christmas with my family. Mom and Dad came up (separately, but together...long, long, long divorce involving story) on Saturday. Mom and I stayed at Cousin's place and Dad stayed at the Carlton just down the street. Which, apparently was originally built as a hotel in the 20's, but then converted into a hotel in the 40's...but I digress.

Anyhow, at Cousin's place, I park in the guest parking garage about half a block down. So, Sunday morning, Dad, Mom, Cousin and I decide to go to breakfast. Now mind you, this garage is pretty much open to the cold, no heaters and very few actual outside walls beyond tin and mesh I think.

I park up on the third floor of said parking structure. Now, there is an elevator in the place. But a very old one that I took once and said "never again!" I do admit I have a bit of a phobia of elevators. I'll ride in them just fine, but I always have to look for the escape hatch at the top. I'd probably never have the testicular fortitude to actually pop it open and climb out it in the case of an emergency, but I like knowing it's there. This one elevator doesn't have one that I recall. And besides that, it is the slowest elevator ever created.

So, Mom and I walk up the couple flights of stairs and are waiting at the car. No Dad, no Cousin. Start the car, spend 5 - 10 minutes kicking off all of the snow and ice that has accumulated in the wheel wells and whatnot...still no Dad, still no Cousin.

About that time, I voice the thought that "maybe they got stuck in the elev..." and then my phone rings. Guess who? Yup, it's Dad. Guess where he is? Yup, stuck in the god damn elevator. Now, Dad and Cousin, neither of them are looking to win any medals in an Olympic gymnastic contest anytime soon. I love them both to death, but yes...they are a bit....well, there is just more of them to love, bless their little hearts.

Now I mention that, because as we wait for them to get hold of security and get out of the elevator, they decide to take matters into their own hands. Dad, somehow, manages to force open the doors to the elevator. They are stuck somewhere between the third and fourth floors. I think they were about 12" - 18" from being all the way on the fourth floor. So, they do manage to do a flashy little maneuver and climb out of the elevator.

Walked by the same elevator later in the day...all four floors have signs that read "Elevator is Temporarily Out of Service". With the door to the fourth floor still gaping open from Dad and Cousin's daring escape.

God, I love time with my crazy family!

This is why we can't have nice things!

So, roommate, roommate's mom (who is staying with us) and I have been watching roommate's brother's dog for the past week. Christmas Eve, went to dinner with roommate and his mom. We were then about to go out and look at the lights when I remembered I had left a gift with a bag of coffee in it on the floor...and knowing Dog as I do, I decided we had better go home so that I can remove temptation from Dog's view.

Now, I want to make a note here about Dog. I have house/dog sat for roommate's brother before and have grown quite fond of dog here. That being said...this is probably the most devious canine in existence. When you, or anyone for that matter, is around, Dog is the most obedient and well behaved animal ever! But as soon as no one is around, Dog, who under normal observed circumstances cannot even jump up into a car, seems to perform extraordinary feats.

So, we come home and I go and pick up the coffee/present and put it up atop the curio cabinet where I KNOW Dog cannot reach. At this point, we round up Dog and put him in the car with us to go look at the lights. It's then that roommate's mom asks me how much fudge was left in the little tin tray that had been up on the cabinet. Turns out Dog had pulled one of his feats of gymnastics and pulled the tray down off of the counter and eaten all of the contents, as well as a portion of the tin foil tray it had been in.

So, we call roommate's brother to ask what do to. Dog is notorious for his love of all things chocolate and therefore deadly to him. The advised course of action....is to induce vomiting. Now, I can barely handle vomiting when it's me. Let alone a dog....ugh! Just the sound of wretching all but induces dry heaves in me...so needless to say...I stood in the kitchen and looked up dogs and chocolate on the internet while roommate and his mom took care of the vomiting dog.

So it was quite the Christmas Eve to be sure. Dog is okay, there seems to be no effects of the chocolate he ate and then threw up. The bathtub is now much, much cleaner after a good soaking in clorox after the incident.

Now Introducing....

So here they are...Chuck's new tank mates. On the left here, we have Francois and Jean-Paul on the right. Francois is the slightly larger and muscly of the two. I'm sure if you look close enough you will also see a tiny curled mustache on him. And Jean-Paul is just as French, but he kept taking his beret when I would try to take the picture. You may ask yourself why I bought two this time. It may be a bit crowded in the tank, true. But I figure that after my last frog experience, it might be a good idea to have a spare.

So here they are. Chuck seemed a bit indifferent when I introduced them yesterday afternoon at work. I expect they will be fast friends though. When I get back on Monday, I'm sure they will all be close as peas in a pod! Come to think of it...I hope they are all still alive on Monday. Good thing I left a note for friend at work to feed them on Friday.

A Very Cheery Lesbian-filled Christmas!

Blockbuster online just informed me they shipped discs 1, 2, and 3 of season 5 of the L Word...looks like I'm going to be up to my ears in hot lesbians for the holidays! Yeah, baby!!!

Have a Beary Fairy Christmas!

So, when does it become acceptable to back-hand a stranger's kid? How about when you are standing in line for over an hour at the damn build your own teddy bear place and people let their !$&#ing kids run wild? Now, I realize, kids are kids and standing still when you are in a long-ass line is virtually impossible. However, letting your kids REPEATEDLY jostle, push, shove and generally abuse the other people standing in line around you, well, frankly, I think that just crosses the line. It also might be not as much of an issue if the parents of said hell spawn made even the vaguest attempt at controlling their demon offspring. BUT THEY DON'T!!! They don't even acknowledge the fact that their kid has basically committed felony battery upon a fellow human being. At least I had the decorum to maintain myself and not back-hand the child or parent...thank god that self-control impulse kicks in every great once-in-awhile!

Now that I've gotten that off my chest (I'm down to a large D-cup side of complaints mind you)...a very good friend of mine told me all he wanted for Christmas was a hug. Well, this guy has had just one hell of a year. Family medical problems have pretty much been the bane of his existence. All of that on top of working full time, sometimes two or three 14-hour shifts a week as well as going to school full-time. Sometimes (often time), I get frustrated with him because he doesn't seem to 'make' the time to hang out or get together. I just want him to know (if he reads this), that even though I don't always show it, that I understand and appreciate everything he is doing, and that I am so very proud of him. Love your guts to pieces! So, for this, I braved the hell-spawn infested bear factory to make this for him. I'm not always there to give him a hug when he needs one, so I hope this little fairy bear can fill in when he needs one and there is no one there to give him one. He should also know that inside this little cuddle (not big and muscley) bear there a little purple (as opposed to the red or red-white checkered) heart buried in it's synthetic material stuffed chest. And I had to do some damn embarrassing things as part of the assembly process. It involved kissing the heart, rubbing it on my head and there may have been turning in circles three times as well as wish-making during all of this. You bet your ass I must love you or something!

So...now that the bear is stuffed and filled...you've gotta dress it. Do I go with the scrubs (since he's going into the medical field)? No. Do I go with an outfit that in someway shape or form connects to his life in a reasonable, easily discerned way? Oh hell no! What do I pick? A god-damn fairy outfit. Why you may ask...because it's for one of my most favorite fairies in the world!

Frog legs anyone?

So, now that I'm not travelling for a month or two, I thought I'd look into getting Chuck a new friend for his tank in at the office. He's seemed pretty down and somewhat depressed (if my fish psychology is correct) So Friday, I was out shopping with my mom, and decided to stop in at one of the national pet store chains near my house.

I asked one of the oh-so-knowledgeable sales associates where I would find the aquatic frogs. So he pointed me in the general direction of a tank about half-way down the row of tanks. So, as I'm looking in this tank, I see no less than eight, yes eight, frogs laying belly-up on the bottom of the tank.

When the other oh-so-knowledgeable sales associate comes over and asks me if I am interested in purchasing a frog, I point out that most of the visible frogs in the tank are DEAD, he proceeds to stick his hand, up to the elbow in the water and pokes several of the frog corpses. Guess what, they didn't move...surprise, surprise!

He then lifts a rock and a dozen or so live frogs scatter throughout the tank. At this point he asks, "How many frogs would you like?" Needless to say, I'd rather not buy a frog that comes from a tank full of DEAD frogs. I think I'll just wait until the non-national chain pet store I originally bought Chuck and the late Ed from gets more frogs in stock.

The Marriage Argument...

I really try not to get too political or anything when I write these entries. Partially, because I know what I believe and what I support, but I don't always do the best at explaining that to other people. And I'm not big on confrontation, which seems to be what happens when people who have different belief systems come together and 'discuss' topics such as politics, religion, gay rights, etc. But I came across these couple of items and just had to share them. Take away from them what you will, but for me, I think they really lay it out very well. I don't think I've ever really heard anyone put it in such a rational and common-sense argument, without getting over-heated, as Jon Stewart did here. Thank you Jon!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Newsweek also had a really great article about the whole bible aspect of the religious argument against gay marriage, and you can read it here

Trains, planes and grackles

So, lately, my life has become extremely boring or perhaps I am just failing to find the humor in it (which is most likely the case).

I spent last week in Lubbock Texas for work. This trip was a lot more laid back. No 16 hour days there. I was just doing training with an existing client and so only had to work the hours they were open. I met some really great people working down there too. All-in-all, it was a really great trip...for the most part.

I was more than just a little shocked that it was colder there than it was here in Salt Lake City. I was in Texas for god's sake! But no...all my life, I'd been living with the misconception of Texas being warm. Another fun feature of Texas (both Corpus Christi and Lubbock) is the grackle. Grackles are these evil demon-souled birds that I encountered in Texas.

There is never just a few of these birds. Every time I've seen them, they were massed in the hundreds if not thousands. These are the birds that at a squirrel while a few of us watched in horror. Okay, so maybe they didn't 'eat' the squirrel, but they sure as hell tormented the poor thing. On Staples Road in Corpus Christi, they would line the power lines for blocks. Solid lines of birds that just when on and on. In Lubbock, they again massed in the hundreds in the tree right out side of my hotel window. And these birds are LOUD! And let's not even get into what my car looked like after the grackles were done with it...let's just not.

I had quite the experience on the flight from Houston to Salt Lake City last Friday as part of this trip. I was flying on an ERJ-145 (see below). It's a smaller commuter jet that seats around 60 or so. It''s got an interesting seat layout. There is one row of seats on one side of the plane, and then two rows across the isle. Anyhow, somewhere over New Mexico or Colorado or somewhere, the plane started falling apart.

Luckily...it was the inside of the plane. Now, I'd rather it not fall apart at all, mind you, but at least if it's one of the panels below the overhead storage bins falling off, the plane most likely is going to be just fine and stay airborne. It made for something of an entertaining flight anyhow.

So...that and getting my Christmas shopping done last weekend has pretty much been my life for the past couple of weeks. I'll try to do better with keeping up on posts here and hopefully they'll be a bit more entertaining and not so blah...

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

To all the turkeys in my life...I couldn't ask for a better rafter (group of turkeys) of family and friends to make my life what it is!!!

And I almost forgot...

While in Corpus Christi, we stayed in the hotel next to where the singer Selena was killed. No joke, my room was just across a parking lot. You can read a friend/co-workers blog about it here

Also, I learned Ineffably is a great driver who kept turning into the wrong buiding/driveways because according to here...."I was pretty sure I wasn't paying attention.

And every time we'd tell someone were we were staying...they'd tell us they were in the worst area of town and all about the hookers that we were basically living with. One of our last nights there...driving home, I'm pretty damn sure we saw several of the hookers stuffed in trunks of cars. But we only saw it because there had to have been at least 3 different cop/hooker busts going on while driving down Leopard street there in Corpus...

Hummers belong in the bedroom, not on the side of the road

As you may or may not have noticed...it's been neigh on a month now since I have added to this, my blog. I'd like to say there was a profound reason...but mostly just laziness and lack of motivation...not for a lack of stuff to blog about, just a total lack of motivation...so to all y'all, I profoundly apologize.

So...here's a brief synopsis of the past month...

I flew out to Corpus Chrisi, Texas for work on Saturday, November 1st. When my ride to the airport came and picked me up...she inadvertantly backed into someone's Hummer parked across the street. Now, that in and of itself was bad enough. But the reaction of the owner was pretty off the chart. Now..this little hatchback bumped into the tire of this monster SUV. No damage whatsoever...but the owner completely flew off the handle. So, after getting out of their, we hit a bitch of a traffic jam on the freeway. Needless to say, I barely made it to the airport in time to meet up with Ineffiably to grab a bite at the BK and then get on the plane.

I then spent the next week or so working 16 hour days...holy hell...I thought I was going to die. Thank god I had Ineffably to keep me entertained with adventures in the cobalt. And apparently, every order of chicken strips comes with gravy in Texas. We found this out when we didn't answer the girl at Jack in the Box's question fast enough and she repeated her question of "Would you like GRAVY with that?!?" in tones akin to the engines of a Boeing 747 at take off.

Birds in Corpus Christi are pretty much creepy and unnatural to say the least. Watching out of the window where we were working, we saw a flock of birds pretty much kick the shit out of some poor unfortunate squirrel.

I did get to see some really cool things down there. Like the Saturday night we went out to the bar and saw 20 or so marines in full dress uniform....I loves me a man (or men) in uniform! Also, got the chance to tour the U.S.S. Lexington. It's a WWII era aircraft carrier permantly docked in Corpus and had been turned into a museum. Also, the SciFi channel show "Ghost Hunters" filmed an episode on there. Pretty cool if you as me, I love that paranormal stuff. Dunno if there is anything really out there...but I'm not doubting it to be sure. The infermary still smelled like an old gross hospital too.

But I've been back in good ol' Salt Lake City for a little over a week now. I love the travelling, but it's rough being gone for so long. There were a lot of people and things (people mostly) that I missed here.

I think today, I'm going to go and buy a new frog. Chuck is looking pretty lonely there all by himself. I'll keep you updated...

In Memory....

In memory of Ed T. Frog. Ed is dead. He's now swimming in that great toilet bowl in the sky now.

I found him floating at the top of his tank this morning. Now, that's nothing new or unsual in and of itself. However, after a period of no movement of any kind (even when gently prodded with a stick), I came to the realization of the sad truth ... Ed is dead. A brief service was held in his name before he joined millions of gold fish in the sewers of Salt Lake County. Flowers are welcome and appreciated according to his last will and testament. Thank you.

On this day some many, many, many years ago...

It's official, I'm older than I have ever been in my whole entire life! Well, this life for sure, anyhow. Not to get all philosophical or religious, but I have no idea where we come from or if we've been here before or whatnot. But that totally was just a tangent that escaped my head and travelled down my fingers to plan itself firmly on this blog.

Back to the point though, it's my birthday. I sort of took a page out of Ineffable's book, I'm having a whole birthday week. She had a month (and still is having), but I figured I'd start small and then move on to the grandeur of a whole month next time or something.

It started with lunch/dinner thing on Saturday with my mom, cousin and my little one. Also included shopping for a couple new pairs of shoes from mom and jr. God help me, but I love 'em...yup I love my family even if they make me crazy a good portion of the time (oh, and I love the new shoes too). And then, we watched Ghostbusters. I hadn't seen that movie in years. And you know what, twenty something years later, I still love it! "Ray, if someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"

Sunday, my roommate and I had friends over for dinner, cake and drinks. It was a fabulous time. I love my friends, in fact, most of them are all but family in my eyes! And let me tell you, Jose Cuervo, yeah, he was a friend of mine on Sunday!!! Loved every single minute of it. Even the crazy, frantic, pull-my-hair-out minutes of trying to rush to get everything ready for people to show up. I thought since it was a Sunday, we'd better start earlier to drink and such, so I said 4:00 p.m. on the invite. But true to form, most people showed up late. Which was good since I wasn't ready. Then, margarita in hand, I decided to grill the burgers. Oh lord, was that a riot. P and I, yeah, we had a blast. My eyebrows should grow back soon, I hope. There was a frakin' bonfire! Loved it! Just surprised we didn't burn down the new house (yeah, moved into D's new house he just bought on Thursday and had a party on Sunday...crazy!)

Then onto Monday, some co-workers took me out to lunch to Pei Wei. God that is some good food. And it was all the better for the eye candy Ineffable and I ogled for a good ten minutes.

So now here it is Tuesday, the actual anniversary of my popping outta the womb. My life may have ups and downs, more downs than I really care for, but all-in-all, I love my life, dammit, I love it!!!

Gotta get me one of these....

An Ineffable Thank You

I want to thank Ineffably So for posting this on her blog in response to my question...

Have you ever been in love? . . . Horrible, isn't it? . . . It makes you so vulnerable. . . . It opens your heart & it means someone can get inside & mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it, They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, & then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out & leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" . . . turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. . . . It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

I'm still open to hearing thoughts from other friends and readers on what you think of "Let's just be friends"....really, I am.

Just wondering....

When a relationship ends and one or both parties say "but we'll still be friends" ... does that ever really work? If you were friends and it turned into a romantic relationship later on, can it turn back into "just friend"? If you weren't friends before and went straight to dating, can you be friends after the dating ends? Please, share your thoughts, tell me what you think about if that can work or not ... I really would love some insight ...

I'm sitting here listening and already I've turned to a life of crime....

Did you hear the one about Sarah Palin? So apparently she was being investigated by the Alaskan legislature for "allegedly" abusing her powers as governor. She is being investigated for firing the guy who wouldn't fire her ex-brother-in-law (a state trooper or something). Yeah, I'm a little vague on the details, because I'm going to go out on a limb here and make the assumption that your head isn't in the sand and you've heard about this.

So anyhow, her cronies up in Alaska tried to get the state supreme court up there to block a report of the findings in the case. Didn't work...the courts didn't stop it. The report was scheduled to be released last Friday, October 10th. So you know what she did, right? The McCain-Palin war machine...errr...campaign decided to release it's own report on Thursday, October 9th.

Guess what? The McCain-Palin "report" cleared her of all wrong doing. She did not misuse her gubernatorial powers to get back at the guy who wouldn't carry out her person vendettas. What was that now? Her completely and totally unbiased and not at all self-preserving-interested staff said she didn't do it. THANK GOD! I am so glad that they did this. Because now I can know with 100 percent certainty that she did do it. Thank you, thank you to the staffers for all the hard work and time you put into this work of fiction...errr...report.

Now, I'd like to patent this next idea, if you can do that. If I, or anyone for that matter, am every accused of a crime or misdeeds, there is no need for a trial. I'll just get my friends, family, or if I'm in a position of power and authority, the people who work for me and paychecks depend on me, I'll just get them to go out, research the fact, hold a trial and/or write a report, that again is totally reliable and unbiased, that will clear me or whoever of all suspicions as to my doings or whatever.

It's perfect, I have just saved the American tax-payers the expense of a judge, prosecutor, courtroom, court recorder, bailiffs, jury, and all of those other money consuming entities of the American legal system.

Oh wait, you're telling me this won't work...damn...guess it's only good for those of us who are running for the second highest political office in the nation...damn, damn, damn...I thought we lived in the land of the free and the just. Yeah, I about fell out of my chair laughing at that one too!

Sweet Dream...you bet your sweet little ass they were!

In the immortal words of Comic Book Guy "Best Concert...Ever!" Now seriously folks...it was simply amazing. Now granted, the video wasn't from the Salt Lake concert, but it was the same opening song and I think I just about lost it then and there.

Reba is like 53 and could out sing about 99% of the little pop and country princesses out there today. And Kelly, damn, that girl has a set of pipes to blow your mind! There was this one part where they were singing "Because of You" and Reba sings the line "And now I cry in the middle of the night, For the same damn thing" and I expected to see straining or something, but NO! she just flat out hit that with what looked like no effort. See...another full-body orgasm occurred just from remembering the show.

Oh, and what made the show even that much better was the girl two rows in front of us. She full on was wearing a Reba skirt. It had a bunch of Reba's album covers printed on the skirt and everything. And not only was she just wearing the skirt, she was belting out every song right along with Reba and dancing, it was GREAT!

I took some pictures with Jeremiah's camera, so I'll post a few as soon as I get copies from him. Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later.

If you have a chance to go see this concert, I highly, highly recommend it...best damn concert...ever!

I can suggest some other things you can do with yourself....

Here it is, at long last...Friday, October 10th! This day holds a lot of significance if you don't already know. Not only is it Friday (which in and of itself is an amazing feat to have made it to another one) but it is also the Kelly Clarkson and Reba McEntire concert tonight!!! Yup, you guessed it, a full-body orgasm just occurred, multiple times in rapid succession if you must know.

I'm still not 100% sure what the plan is for tonight. Something like dinner or something and then the concert, the concert YAY! If I didn't have ADHD before today, I'm sure I will after trying to sit through a whole day of work while waiting for Kelly and Reba to come to pass.

And for those of you who may be commenting on the apparent lack of connection between the title and the blog entry, shame on you! It comes from one of the other things that I love so dearly in my life. No, probably not going to tell you...but there are some out there who hopefully and most likely will know where it comes from and it's significance ;-)

Vote for Tina!!!

Onto bigger and better things!

4 damn days is all I have left to wait. Just 4 days!!! Jeremiah, can I just tell you how much I love you for scoring these tickets! It's like my birthday, Christmas and great sex all rolled into one, without the fuss of trying to buy shit for anyone else...this is just for me, me, me!!! I think I may have a full body orgasm just thinking about the concert!

Learning is Delightful and Delicious. As, by the way, am I

So this week has been an interesting one to say the least. I've come down with another frakin' cold. I'm not very good at being a sick person. I think I whine and complain about 30 times the normal amounts that I usually do (which according to some uninformed people, is a lot). At this point, I think my brain has turned to a mushy-liquid-ish type stuff due to the amount of decongestants I've been taking just to stay alive.

I've come to the conclusion that sometimes you might want something (or someone) very much, but wishing and wanting has not as of yet changed the laws of the Universe (at least not for me).

I think I'm kind of mumbling and ranting today, again, I blame the cold meds. Well, that and the fact that it is becoming almost a daily ritual of torture to have to listen to some people in my office spout their right-wing nutso ideaology about politics and the financial mess that the country is in. People have every right to express their opinions and share their views IF PEOPLE WANT TO LISTEN!!! I don't want to listen. Yet, due to where my desk sits and the fact I have to be at work to get a bloody pay check, I am a defacto captive audience. I think this amounts to torture. No, I KNOW this amounts to torture. How does one apply for assylum from the nutsos under the Geneva Convention?

Maybe discussing politics and religion at work should just be banned. Period. End of story. Banned! Spread your indoctorination on your own time and to people who want to hear it, not those of us that are trapped by the constraints of needing a paycheck!

And to further illustrate her lack of a point...

Here is an interview with a CNN foreign affairs analyst....it just gets scarier and scarier....

NEW YORK (CNN) -- In a column appearing in Newsweek, world affairs expert and author Fareed Zakaria said he thinks it would be best for Republican presidential hopeful John McCain, if Gov. Sarah Palin bowed out as his vice presidential running mate.

Zakaria says McCain did not put the country first in making his V.P. choice, and he says Palin is not qualified to lead the United States.

CNN spoke to him about his commentary titled, "Palin is ready? Please."

CNN: What did you initially think when Sarah Palin was announced as the Republican vice presidential nominee?

Zakaria: I was a bit surprised -- as I think most people were. But I was willing to give her a chance. And I thought her speech at the convention was clever and funny. But once she began answering questions about economics and foreign policy, it became clear that she has simply never thought about these subjects before and is dangerously ignorant and unprepared for the job of vice president, let alone president.

CNN: You don't think she is qualified?

Zakaria: No. Gov. Palin has been given a set of talking points by campaign advisers, simple ideological mantras that she repeats and repeats as long as she can. But if forced off those rehearsed lines, what she has to say is often, quite frankly -- nonsense. Just listen to her response to Katie Couric's question about the bailout. It's gibberish -- an emptying out of catchphrases about economics that have nothing to do with the question or the topic. It's scary to think that this person could be running the country.

Here is their exchange:

Katie Couric: Why isn't it better, Gov. Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries; allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

Gov. Sarah Palin: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, we're ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the -- it's got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

CNN: But Dan Quayle wasn't very qualified and that didn't seem to matter, did it?

Zakaria: This is way beyond Dan Quayle. Quayle was a lightweight who was prone to scramble his words, or say things that sounded weird, but you almost always knew what he meant. One of his most famous miscues was to the United Negro College Fund when he said, "What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all." Now he was trying to play off a famous ad that the group used to run, "A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste." And he screwed it up in a funny way. But read Gov. Palin's answers and it does appear that she doesn't have any understanding about the topic under discussion.

CNN: But she has a lot of supporters.

Zakaria: Look, I'm not saying that she is not a feisty, charismatic politician who has done some good things in Alaska. It is just we are talking about a person who should be ready to lead the United States at a moment's notice. She has never spent a day thinking about any important national or international issue, and this is a hell of a time to start.

CNN: Does it make you concerned about Sen. McCain as a president?

Zakaria: Yes, and I say this with sadness because I greatly admire John McCain, a man of intelligence, honor and enormous personal and political courage. However, for him to choose Sara Palin to be his running mate is fundamentally irresponsible. He did not put the country first with this decision. Whether it is appropriate or not, considering Sen. McCain's age most people expected to have a vice presidential candidate who would be ready to step in at a moment's notice. The actuarial odds of that happening are significant, something like a one-in-five chance.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/09/29/zakaria.sarah.palin/index.html

Let's get those terror-lovin' terrorists!

Amazing, isn't it? Not only is her impersonation dead on in appearance and sound...but she has Sarah Palin's mannerisms down to a fine science. Scary thought of this woman (Sarah Palin, not Tina Fey) being just one heart-beat or three cancer cells away from the White House. At least we know if she ever was in a position and did launch the nukes, she'd only be doing it because God told her to through her direct line of communication with him.

If this worst-case secenario were to happen, and she and John McCain were to be elected, I'd say let's all go take refuge in Canada. But then again, probable not safe there. She'd just end up nuking Canada by mistake, thinking she was taking out Alaska's other foreign neighbor....the thought gives me the cold chills....

Here is a link to the transcript of part of the real Sarah Palin interview with Katie Couric...
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/24/eveningnews/main4476173.shtml?source=mostpop_story

You are cordially invited...

"Répondez s'il vous plaît", a French phrase that translates to "reply, please." or literally "respond, if you please". It is with this meaning that invitation cards and similar documents are often marked with "R.S.V.P." It is standard practice to reply to an RSVP request whether confirming attendance or declining.

For many, many, many years, eons possibly, it was the norm to reply to an invitation as to whether you would be attending the function. Now, maybe I'm just a bit obsessive about it (okay, most likely it's me being obsessive), but there is a reason, a very, very, very good reason behind it.

I'm a planner for the most part. Dinners, parties, trips, etc...they require planning. At least for me they do. I don't want to run out of food, drinks, or end up stranded in some foreign place because I didn't know how many were coming or where I was going or wtf was going on...come one people!

So, come to think of it...I think we can directly correlate the decline in people responding to R.S.V.P.s to the "so-called" decline in society. Yup, that's it...stop responding to invitations and the whole damn world falls apart....

Yoga...part 3

Congratulate me! Pat me on the back! Give me a hand! etc....

I'm keeping up with my goal of yoga two times a week..so far. I started last Thursday, made it to class on Monday, and then to class again last night (Thursday).

Although, I'm not sure how great I was last night. Amy, the instructor, said she thought I did really well. I disagree though. The big problem was damn sinus congestion...it totally threw off my balance. And for some reason, being upside-down seemed to just aggrivate the pressure in my skull. And yoga seems to involve a lot of being upside-down. (See down-facing dog for example...) But it definately killed my already precarious balance. Falling over in class is embarassing...especially when it makes a HUGE loud crashing noise that echos off of the wooden floor and mirrored walls. Mirrored walls, by the way, make it so that no matter where you are in the room, absolutely everyone can see you when you flub-up and fall on your face or your ass.

But, I still made it, so yay for me and the little bit of motivation I've found in my life.

***Update***
For those of you who are concerned and wondering how Chuck and Ed are doing, they are settling into their new home on my desk rather well. Chuck still looks a bit harried. Kind of has a "ridden hard and put away wet" look to him at times. But the fact that he keeps trying to eat ED, I think that's a good sign that he's settling in and not letting Ed bully him around too much. I think Ed may have gone crazy yesterday though. He was literally bouncing off of the walls of their little aquarium. Maybe it's not crazy so much as brain damage at this point, but who knows...

Welcome Chuck and Ed!

I should have my debit card taken away and hidden for time and all eternity. Yes, that's right, time and all eternity. On a whim today, a co-worker, Nikole, and I took our lunch break to the Aquarium store. Beta fish we thought. Cute, relaxing, trendy...yeah, all of that.

And holy hell...if you haven't been to this particular fish store, you should go! Gallons and gallons of fish, frog, and all sorts of sea-life filled water. They even have a huge pile of rocks outside that has some how miraculously become an amazing two-sided waterfall and pond. You can tell they are in a conservative part of Utah though. The mermaid statue in the middle of the pond has her breasts modestly covered Ariel-style with two sea shells (yeah...gotta cover the girls up ...big eye roll)

So, anyhow, Nikole and I strolled through the fish store looking for our beta fish. Not only did we find our fish, but they even had frillier than normal fins! Oh, and they had these really cool, cute, adorable, whatever you want to call it little beta tank kits. Comes with food, little rocks for the middle of the tank, and the water-fixing stuff too. So, we've got our fish and our beta kits to keep 'em alive. Guess what else Nikole suggests...go ahead, guess...you never will...so I'll tell you. FROGS!!! Yup, not only did we adopt fish, but we each got a frog to keep our fish company.

So now I'm obsessed. It's Chuck and Ed this, Chuck and Ed that. I need a life really bad. Oh, if you're wondering, Chuck is the fish, Ed is the frog. Btw, Chuck is having a really stressful day. I can just tell. He jumps at every sound, and every movement around him. I think Ed may be a bit of a bully too. He's been chasing him around the tank all day...poor Chuck...maybe he needs to go to yoga too for stress relief???

Not quite there yet....

Holy hell!!! This is so what I aspire to in my yoga practice. First off, to be that damn flexible. Second, to get in the habit of a daily yoga practice all on my own!!!

But, I did make it to yoga again tonight. That's twice since last Thursday...so bully for me...yay!!! Oh, and tonight, Sylvia kicked my f'in ass!!! It was amazing. I have so far to go though, but at least I went and started in the right direction!!!

Oh...the possiblities....

So...my friend Chanda, FINALLY got me off my lazy ass and to go to yoga again last night. It has been months since I've gone, and not for a lack of trying on Chanda's part to get me there. But a series of injuries (particularly a frisbee-broken elbow) and vast amounts of laziness have kept me from going. But last night I made it.

I usually dread going to yoga, but then end up loving the feeling after class. Last night was very much in that vain of things. I kept hoping I'd get a call saying he wasn't going so I wouldn't have to go. But I didn't, so I headed on over and made it to my first class in months!

And it was AMAZING!!! The instructor, Amy, she's great. Very positive and encouraging throughout the whole class. One thing I've noticed with her and another of the instructors I really liked (who I hear is no longer teaching classes there) really focus on doing as much as you can. Do the pose the best that you can. Not worrying about being picture perfect or anything like that. Just push yourself and try to be a little better than last time.

I think this is what I need. I remember now why I loved going so much. The feeling after class, the feeling the next day at work. Yeah, I'm usually sore and tired afterwards. But I always feel sooo GOOD! I feel like I can deal with life and it's stresses and problems so much better.

Granted, during class, I feel like an uncoordinated jackass. Fell on my face once many months ago trying to do the crow pose...literally fell on my face...no joke. But a few weeks after that experience, I actually got into the crow pose and balanced and did it and everything!!! God, that was an exhilarating experience.

Now I just need to keep up with it. Need to remember the way it feels after class. Need to keep my lazy ass from getting fatter, take better care of myself. Make it the gym a few times a week, make it to yoga a few times a week. I'm seeing a very bright light at the end of the recent tunnel I've been in. Let's just all hope it's not the freight train from hell barreling towards me at the speed of light ;-)

And yet still nothing new to say...

But I really like this series from ASofterWorld.com (I'll add the 6th one later). It caries on with my as-of-late "Zombie" theme...











-----------------
And here's part #6...YAY!!!!

Still not much to say...

So here's another funny (or two) that make me laugh....enjoy!

See....I'm not the only one

Something is better than nothing....I guess....

It's been a couple of weeks since I've entered anything here. I've started a couple of times and just not been able to finish really. Things have been happening in my life, but nothing that has really inspired me like I wish it could.

I would love to write witty and poignant things about how I feel about the state of the world. About my utter loathing at the idea of "Sarah the Barracuda" as VP. About the drama and disaster that is my family as of late. But alas, nothing really comes of it when I start writing about these things.

I was told the other day that my energy was blocked. Something about my heart chakra being closed off. There is something there, some sadness that is just shutting everything down. And if I really think about it, I can tell you exactly what it is, but I probably won't. I'm not really saying this to get sympathy or anything. And I don't want to worry anyone. I am really okay, or will be eventually. There are just things that are weighing on me that it is going to take me time to work through. Things I miss. People I miss.

Maybe this is what I needed to start on that road to getting past it all, just to admit to myself something was wrong, and put it out there for other people to read. And if you do read it, I'm sorry for being such an utter and complete bitch as of late. Too often, when I don't know how to deal or ask for help, I lash out and go into a defensive mode. So, again, I'm sorry, that's not the person I want to be.

Green Shirt Thursdays

Sitting here today, I noticed that a friend of mine and I were both wearing green shirts of almost the same shade. (Thank god they have different designs so one of us didn't have to go home and change, because that would have been just down right embarrassing)

The green shirt thing reminded me of way back when I was in elemetary school down in Cedar City. Back then, if you were dumb enough or uncool enough to wear a green shirt on a Thursday, it meant that you were horny. Looking back now, I think...WTF??? I guess when you're in like 3rd grade, being horny at school could be a problem. But now, aren't we all praying everyday is a Thursday and we're all wearing our green shirts?

Have you ever....

Gotten to work and realized that what you are wearing isn't what you thought you put on at 5:00 a.m. this morning?

And the winner takes it all....

I’ve come to believe that life in general and dating in particular is like playing a game of high-stakes poker. Some people hedge their bets and weigh the odds before risking even the smallest part of their holdings, while others are “all in” from the start.

The cards are dealt. We look at the hand we’ve been dealt. Did we get a hand full of aces? Wild cards? A mishmash of unrelated cards? We look around and try to read the faces of everyone at the table. Do they have a “tell”, some sign or signal that the they give off, perhaps tipping you to what they are holding.

Look around the table, who’s smiling as they look at their cards, who isn’t? Bets are placed, who is upping the ante? Who is folding? Who calls? As for me, I don’t think in halves, I tend to be all in, or nothing at all…how about you?

Just wondering....

If your city is trying to reduce smog for the Olympics, does it make sense to launch a barrage of smoke-producing fireworks into an already crap-infested air space? Yeah, I'll admit the fireworks look f'ing sweet, but still...smog, polution...

No wonder the US Olympic cycling team wore masks when they arrived in Bejing...

Well obviously....

"Henry has lived at the Southland Museum's special enclosure for Tuatara since 1970 and had shown no interest in sex until he recently had a cancerous growth removed from his genitals. He is now enjoying the company of three females and might breed again next March, Hazley said." (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26051351/)

Did they seriously think that a cancerous growth on the lizard's junk wouldn't affect his interest in sex? Granted, who doesn't want to be bigger (not counting you elephant-endowed people), but for some reason the word "cancerous growth" associated with the plumbing just doesn't make me feel all amorous and 'in the mood'.

So, thank god they finally decided to take care of old Henry's boys and get him back in the game...go get 'em Henry!!!

Wondering why...

Why is it that every time it rains, every bit of dust and debries seems demonically compelled to stick to my car...particularly the windows that I need to see out of...

Seriously...

Does a blue moon hangover ALWAYS feel like there's an elephant orgy going on inside your skull???

at&t Lorena Bobbitt’d me!

I had to come to some hard realizations about my life over the weekend. They say the first step in dealing with a problem is admitting it…so here goes…Hi, I’m Jason, and I’m a technoholic.

Yeah, I know…my cell phone is pretty much ALWAYS with me. I like to text, oh god do I like to text. I’m not opposed to talking on the phone, I have no aversion to communication involving actually vocalizations. But sometimes, it’s just so much easier, quicker, more convenient, and in a lot of ways, less intrusive to send a text message.

So on the way down to Milford (little mud hole of a town I grew up in for the most part), I got about 15 miles west of Beaver and lost ALL cell phone coverage. Zip, zilch, nada, NOTHING! My first though, my phone was broke or just needed to be turned off and back on again. 37 times I tried this. 37 times, it failed.

I can’t be stuck in Milford without any avenue of communication to the outside world. So, I call up at&t’s customer service. Nice people, but pretty much worthless. The problem, well, when at&t took over Cingular not so long ago, they didn’t keep up Cingular’s partner contracts, and so the partner towers I had used every other single time I’d been in Milford, no longer picked up my signal and plugged me in to my LIFE, my life you hear me???

Good thing the relatives next door had wireless internet access…at least I could e-mail and bitch about my situation, right? Because carrying around my laptop is really comparable to carrying my itty-bitty-tiny cell phone, isn’t it? Yeah, I thought so too.

Now there, that wasn’t so hard, now was it? Do you think they have a 12-step program for my technology, staying ‘plugged in’ addiction? All I can think of in response to that is an old Barbara Mandrell song, “(If Loving You is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right”. I like always having my phone with me. I like being able to talk/text anytime, anywhere (except in the movie theater…turn the phone off dammit!). So I guess I’ll live with my addiction, live with it one day at a time (except when I go to Milford apparently)

It's offical....

(http://www.mediafever.co.uk/site_photos/cuba_bike_rain.jpg)

Yup, it's official...god and the weather "persons" association of the world hate me. I rode my bike to work, I even told Hunter, "I laugh in the face of the weatherman. I am probably tempting fate here. . .but it's the bike today dammit, the bike I say!" And now, guess what...it's RAINING!!!

I'm pretty much expecting a lightning strike on my way home from work now...

And to top it off...I never look that good staring at my bike, shirtless in the rain (so no, it's not me)

Saving the environment? Maybe... Saving money? Probably... Get myself maimed or killed? Most likely...

So, here's the deal...a few weeks ago, after spending $50 to fill up my Toyota Corolla with gas (and that's one that get's decent milage!), I decided to pull my bike out of storage and start riding it to work. Now, I live roughly on 2500 East and 2800 South and work on 500 West and 9000 South (See map). So for those of you not familiar with Salt Lake, a mile is roughly seven city blocks, so yeah, that's a long-ass ride. Especially when you haven't regularly ridden a bike since your mission, some 10-odd years ago.

So, my game plan was to ride from my house, down 3300 south to the TRAX station. Take TRAX from 3300 south to 9000 south, and then ride the rest of the way to work. I figured that would be a good start, and that I could build on that and ride farther to catch other TRAX stations as I work up to it....

So..there's the idea, there's the plan...pretty good, huh? I thought so too...until I woke up last Monday (7-14) to try it. That ride was pretty uneventful. Other than my ass being sore, my legs wanting to fall off, and only having to walk my bike the last 1/2 mile of the way home (my home route is significantly different to adjust for the fact that I live at the top of the hill and work at the bottom).

So, now it's Tuesday, a week later, and I decided to try it again. First off, 3300 south has no bike lanes, none, nothing! And the lane goes right up to the sidewalk, so there's no room for error here...and they want me to ride with traffic...I think not!

But as I was riding to work today...sigh...it wasn't the picturesque ride of last week. No, today was different. First, as I was riding down the street, my lunch box shot off the back of my bike. So much for the bungee cord and bike rack thingy, that worked real well. So, after retrieving the fallen lunch box, I tied it down good and tight. Good idea, right? No, bad idea...about 4 blocks later, as I went off the curb, the bungee broke and I swear to god it was trying to kill me. Slapped me in the back of the head. Helmets aren't just for accidents anymore, I'm seriously considering wearing it 24/7, like one of Jerry's kids. As much as I hit my head or other things hit my head, it might be a wise choice.

So, I'm now a block away from the TRAX station, and what do I behold with mine little eyes? Nothing less than my train pulling out of the station. #$&@$&*@#! Yeah, exactly! I could hear the bungee cord laughing from where I'd tied it in knots around my lunch box. And you know that evil inanimate objects ALWAYS laugh with an absurd french accent, ALWAYS!


So, I wait the next 15 minutes for the next train. Here it comes, I can see it pulling into the station. I jump up off the bench to grab my bike. It was a pretty short jump. More of a stumble really. I had slipped my arm into the strap of my backpack as I started to get up, and was promptly slammed back down into the bench. One of the buckles from my bag had worked it's way into the itty-bitty-tiny slot in the bench seat. I don't think I could have gotten the buckle in there if I had been trying. So, as I'm frantically trying to free my bag from the bench, I watch the train pull away. There had to have been 10 frenchmen with their faces pressed up against the window of the train, all pointing and laughing while stroking their creepy little mustaches, there were, really, okay, maybe not...but still...

In the end, I did make it to work. A lot later than I had intended, but still made it...and if you can just imagine how excited I am about the ride home tonight...what awaits me on the streets and trains of Salt Lake City...

Ode to the Kiss

kiss \ˈkis\ :verb. Etymology: Middle English, from Old English cyssan; akin to Old High German kussen to kiss. Date: before 12th century. transitive verb 1: to touch with the lips especially as a mark of affection or greeting 2: to touch gently or lightly intransitive verb 1: to salute or caress one another with the lips 2: to come in gentle contact.

Kisses, Besos, Baiser, Kuss, Bacio. No matter what you call it, no matter how you do it, there is something about a kiss that resonates a deep and primordial cord inside your soul. Does it call to you? Does it inspire you? Does it drive you to seek it?

Is it a chaste and reserved peck on the cheek? Is it wet and sloppy like a St. Bernard? Or is it a full body, toe-curling, leg-lifting whopper of a kiss? Now for me, all of those, and many, many more types of kisses all have their place. But my far-and-away and forever favorite will be the kiss that you feel from your lips down to the tips of your toes and back up again, the kiss that leaves you breathless and wanting more. I want that iconic, captured on film moment of a kiss. I want the kiss that you put everything into expecting nothing in return, but then get it all back ten-fold. God…I just love a good kiss!!!

Do dogs ever go hoarse???

Good hell!!! Why is it that the neighbor's dog won't shut the hell up...EVER??? I like to think working in the flower beds or my garden around the house is a very nice and relaxing venture...But, when two of the neighbor's three dogs (collies I think) will not for even the love of pirate-ninja jesus stop barking...what's a man to do?

Now just stop right there...no matter how obnoxious they get, no matter how frayed my nerves are...I don't do anything that may have just popped into your frakin' head! Now just sit your ass back and I'll tell you exactly what I do...absolutely nothing!!! I just go about my weeding or mowing or whatnot and try to ignore the incesent barking. I resist all temptation to yell obscenities, throw objects or just anything in general that may further encourage these hell hounds to bay. Thank god for an iPod.

Now, to be completely honest, of the three dogs, there is one that I do on occasion engage. She (I think it's a she...I've never really checked though) is the mellow, non-barker of the pack. She is sweet and seems to want nothing more than a nice pat on the head. The extent of my interaction with her is the occasion scratching under the chin when she jams her face through the fence. It's one of those fences that has the bigger wire squares...seems to work great for the neighbors grape vines that are now covering the back third of the fence, so, she gets a good deal of her muzzle through the fence. Whereas the ring-leader does nothing but bark, and the follower joins in, the third dog, she just whimpers for attention. So her, her I like. The other two...well, I'd just rather they didn't sit there and bark while I'm in my own back yard, just trying to relax in my garden.

And now all of this, all of this brings me back to my topic, why can't a dog go hoarse dammit, why???

Miss Venezuela crowned Miss Universe; Miss USA trips -- again!

Thank you CNN for brightening my day with stories of poor unfortunate and sometimes tragic beauty queens! I really don't think there is much I can add to this, but I'll pick myself up off the floor and give it a go...

When I read about poor Miss USA, all I could think of was Sandra Bulloch a.k.a. Gracie Lou Freebush during the interview portion of the pageant..."I know we all secretly hope the other one will trip and fall on her face--
Wait a minute! I've already done that!"

And now compare that with a quote from the CNN article "Tension got under the skin of Crystle Stewart of Texas, the second Miss USA in a row to fall down during the Miss Universe pageant."

The SECOND Miss USA to fall down during the Miss Universe pageant. Not the first, but the SECOND!!!

"During the 2007 Miss Universe contest in Mexico City, Miss USA Rachel Smith also tumbled during the evening gown competition and became an unintended star on You Tube, where the video was shown over and over again.

You just can't make this shit up....lol!

Again, thank you CNN and more importantly, thank YOU Crystle Stewart and Rachel Smith for bringing just a little more joy and laughter into this world!

(http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/07/14/miss.universe.ap/index.html)

No me ames

He can ring my bell anytime

How can you not love this man???

Yeah...I know this has been out for awhile...but by god...I still love it...in English or in Spanish....mmmmm

This week's addition to my favorite songs list

Add this to my new list of favorite songs

I've loved Avril since I first heard her years ago...but damn, this song of hers just blows me away!!!

My New Favorite Song

This video is a little odd, but I heard this song (originally by Shakespears Sister...which is great too) but when I found this version and this video, I just fell in love with it. Take a look for yourself and let me know what you think...

Will they never learn?!?!?

Maybe it's my own fault, it's not like the pattern wasn't there for me to see. An amazing and successful movie trilogy, ruined by additional movies. I LOVE, absolutely LOVE the Indiana Jones movies. So, with that in mind, I went to the midnight opening of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. And I have never been so disappointed in a movie in my life. Don't read on if you haven't seen it yet and don't want it spoiled. But seriously...ALIENS in Indiana Jones? I know the original (from here on out the ONLY Indiana Jones movies in my opinion) were over the top and a bit beyond belief. But hell, at least they stayed on this planet (even if they were messing with the 'divine') Thank god I can just rewatch the others and hopefully erase this disaster out of my mind.

George Lukas may be an amazing and brilliant man...but there comes a point where he's just milking the franchise for all that extra money he really doesn't even need. He degraded the original Star Wars trilogy with the second set. Never rely on special effects to get you through...they should be like icing on the cake...not the cake with a bit of a story for icing.

Oh well, there are plenty of other movies to look forward to this summer, The Dark Knight, Mamma Mia, and others that I just can't think of right now. But that's all for now...