SAM
What are you doing?
AINSLEY
I’m going up to Smith College tomorrow.
SAM
Why?
AINSLEY
It’s my alma mater.
SAM
Reunion?
AINSLEY
No, the women’s studies department is having a panel on resurrecting the ERA.
SAM
Who else is on the panel?
AINSLEY
Rebecca Walker, Gloria Steinem, Anne Coulter, Naomi Wolf...
SAM
You know, something like 40 percent of all women oppose the ERA, and in my entire
lifetime, I’ve never met one of them.
AINSLEY
[extending hand] Ainsley Hayes, nice to meet you.
SAM
You’re not...
AINSLEY
Yes.
SAM
You’re not!
AINSLEY
Yes.
SAM
You’re not, you’re not, you’re not one of those people!
AINSLEY
Sam, if, by those people, you’re referring to Episcopalians...
SAM
You’re going back to Smith College, the cradle of feminism, to argue in opposition of the Equal Rights Amendment?
AINSLEY
And get some decent pizza, yeah.
SAM
They’re gonna hate you.
AINSLEY
Sam, I’m a straight Republican from North Carolina. You don’t think they hated me the first time around?
SAM
Yeah.
...
"Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any state on account of sex."
It’s not a joke. [sits]
AINSLEY
It’s the Equal Rights Amendment.
[smiles] It’s redundant.
AINSLEY
Look... [throws down her pencil and gets up]
SAM
It’s redundant?
AINSLEY
The 14th Amendment which says that a citizen of the United States is anyone that’s
born here... that's me... and that no citizen can be denied due process. I’m covered.
Make a law for somebody else.
...
SAM
You know, we should make a joke about women, 'cause there's no law against that or paying them less money than men.
AINSLEY
Well, there is a law against that. It’s the Pay Equity Act. It's passed in 1964, when women were making 59 cents to the dollar.
SAM
What are you making now?
AINSLEY
79 cents.
SAM
So, everything's fine.
AINSLEY
No, there are still some problems. But I’m not worried ‘cause the federal government’s coming to the rescue.
SAM
Look...
AINSLEY
You think pay disparity is ‘cause some sexist in human resources hired two people for equal positions and paid the man more?
SAM
Oftentimes...
AINSLEY
And oftentimes women make less money over the course of their lifetimes because they
choose to.
SAM
Oh, goodnight nurse! They don't choose to make less money. They're financially punished for having kids.
AINSLEY
They made a choice to have kids.
SAM
Well, not necessarily if you guys have your way, but that's a different can of tuna.
I flat-out guarantee you that if men were biologically responsible for procreation, there'd be paid family leave in every Fortune 500.
AINSLEY
Sam, if men were biologically responsible for procreation, they'd fall down and die at the first sonogram.
SAM
If the Amendment’s redundant, then what's your problem if it’s passed or not?
AINSLEY
Because I’m a Republican! Have we met? I believe that every time the federal government hands down a new law, it leaves for the rest of us a little less freedom. So I say, let’s just stick to the ones we absolutely need in order to have water come out of the faucet and our cars not stolen. That is my problem with passing a redundant law.
SAM
When I was downstairs, I made a decision. I’m gonna register with the Republican Party, and I’ll tell you why, if you’re curious. It’s because they’re a freedom-loving people.
AINSLEY
We also like beef.
SAM
You know, you insist government is depraved for not legislating against what we can see on the newsstands, or what we can see in an art exhibit, or what we can burn in protest, or which sex we’re allowed to have sex with, or a woman’s right to choose, but don't you dare try to regulate this deadly weapon I have concealed on me, for that would encroach against my freedom.
AINSLEY
Yeah? And Democrats believe in free speech as long as it isn’t prayer while you're
standing in school. You believe in the Freedom of Information Act except if you want to find out if your 14-year-old daughter’s had an abortion...
SAM
We believe in the ERA.
AINSLEY
Well, go get ‘em.
SAM
How can you have an objection to something that says...?
AINSLEY
Because it’s humiliating! A new amendment we vote on, declaring that I am equal under the law to a man. I am mortified to discover there’s reason to believe I wasn’t before. I am a citizen of this country. I am not a special subset in need of your protection. I do not have to have to have my rights handed down to me by a bunch of old, white men.
The same Article 14 that protects you, protects me. And I went to law school just to
make sure. And with that, I’m going back down to the mess, because I thought I may have seen, there, a peach. [leaves]
SAM
[to Larry and Ed] I could've countered that, but I’d already moved on to other things in my head.
Ainsley Hayes and Sam Seaborn discussing the Equal Rights Amendment. 17 People
