Flamino's Roost

I'm told it's called "Wake 'n Bake"

2011-01-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

So this little happening was kinda interesting. It all relates back to my last post about going to the gym. Picture it... Salt Lake City, Utah. On a cold Thursday morning in January 2011.

After my early morning workout, so we're looking about 7 a.m. or so, I decided that instead of coffee, I'd go get a smoothie at the local location of a national smoothie/drink chain. So, I walk in the door, and I am seriously assaulted with a sweet and smokey smell. Yes, you guessed it, the smoothie baristas (or whatever you call 'em) were totally in the back room smokin' weed.

That is so not a smell that can be mistaken for anything else. It is very pungent and distinct and carries! Now, I've never partaken of the above-mentioned herb, but whatever. If you want to do it, I guess that's totally your thing. But good hell! 7:00 a.m. and while AT WORK!!! Some people like coffee, some like tea and I guess these guys liked their weed for their morning wake up...

What the !*&#@&%^!

2011-01-14T08:44:00.000-08:00

Holy good god Mary! He's posting again!!!

So here it is y'all, Flamingo's first post of 2011. And so far, it's a pretty fucking amazing year!

I decided to say "fuck it" to new year's resolutions this year. This year, I told myself, instead of coming up with all of these resolutions that I NEVER follow through on, I'm just going to do things! So, starting last Monday, I decided to get my fat and lazy ass out of bed and go to the gym before work. And you know what, I fucking did it! 5 days this week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings, Flamingo was at the gym.

Luckily I still have B to help me. Granted, he basically lives in Mexico (anything south of the Salt Lake County line), and he has a bf that takes up pretty much all of his non-family time, but he has still texted me a work out for every day this week. And every morning so far I've gotten to the gym and done the entire work out. Maybe not lifted the heaviest weights, but I pushed myself and feel pretty accomplished with my week. So yeah, I'm patting myself on the back and all that great stuff!

Oh, and not to mention, in addition to my 5 mornings at the gym this week, I went to yoga with my favorite instruction, Amy, last night. And can I just say how amazing this woman is? A couple of months ago, she was hit by a truck and broke bones in both of her lower legs, AND SHE'S STILL OUT THERE TEACHING YOGA!

So yeah, this year is off to an amazing start. I've got a great family (including a new nephew who is so fucking cute I could die!)... You know what, I need to just make a list of things that are great about this year...

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Love my job
4. Co-workers I enjoy working with
5. Rock Band*
6. 5 days (and counting) at the gym
7. Yoga with Amy
8. F**kin' Perfect - P!nk (feelin' a 2011 theme song here)

*As for Rock Bank, lovin it! I bought Rock Band for Roommate for Christmas this year. And I love, love, love it! I've even taken to the singing part, and I'm not a singer, but still loving it! Our band, the Flaming Fanny Bandits is amazing! It's just hella fun and relaxing and yeah, I'm doing fairly well at it. Not ready to sing in public, but hey, at least I can do it in front of other people, which was not even an option a few months ago.

So here's to a great 2011 for Flamingo and for YOU!

Favorite new website

2010-12-02T14:47:00.000-08:00

I came across this site from another blog I follow. Ineffably, Onenoteshort and I spent an obscene amount of time laughing our asses off at the awkwardness of auto correcting phones. Here are my two favorites so far...

Happy Birthday... to me

2010-10-28T06:20:00.001-07:00

Apparently, I'm a mostly-happy 36 year old woman...

2010-10-11T19:37:00.001-07:00

There is this fun little site called UrlAi.com that will take your blog and analyze it for you...

I like where he's going with this....

2010-09-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking I should write down my feelings on the whole gay marriage thing, but as of yet, I've never gotten around to organize my thoughts into a concise and logical statement of how I feel. I came across this though and really love that Dan Savage pointed out how marriage has evolved and changed into what is today called "traditional marriage". So, at some point, I'll get around to it. Until then, I will use this to express my thoughts and views.

My third eye is blind...

2010-09-09T19:15:00.000-07:00

It's a chakra reference y'all! Very proud of myself, it's been probably close to a year, but I made it back to yoga tonight. Thank god for Princess and going with me. It was a new instructor... she was filling in for my favorite one. She was pretty good. Kicked my ass in totally the best way. I loved it. Here's to many more nights feeling like this!

Just so you understand where I'm coming from

2010-09-06T22:04:00.001-07:00

This is the "area" I grew up in... Seriously!

Portugal 7 - N. Korea 0... Ronaldo - Amazing

2010-06-21T20:37:00.001-07:00

I just can't get enough of him....

Damn! Look at his smile!

This has to be one of the funniest goals in the history of the world cup

Just look at that ass!

I bet those legs go all the way up!

World Cup Tribute...

2010-06-15T18:14:00.001-07:00

Gotta say I'm really digging soccer players at the moment.... mmmm

Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

Landon Donovan (USA)

Carlos Bocanegra (USA)

Flamingo is back... in a limited sort of way...

2010-06-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

And today's post is all about Flamingo's Crush of the Day...

CRISTIANO ROLANDO

Gone Fishing!

2010-02-15T07:20:00.000-08:00

Flamingo isn't doing so well at keeping up on the whole blogging thing. So, until I get going with it again... I've gone fishing!

Far and away

2010-01-21T08:53:00.000-08:00

Not a lot going on at the moment... work-wise there is a lot going on in the next few weeks though. I've go the next month and a half where the longest I'll be home at any given time is a week or so... It'll be busy and crazy, but I do love the traveling and being onsite with clients.

And a really, really great, amazing, fan-fucking-tastic thing about two of the trips are that they are to San Antonio... where the weather is above freezing!

West Wing Wednesday!

2010-01-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

Popular and a few other friends (The boy from a few posts ago is coming too... so far the dating thing is going great and all!) are coming over for West Wing Wednesday tonight. I'm so excited... I can't even tell you how excited I am at watching on of my most favoritist shows ever with great people! Anyhow, in honor of tonight... I thought WE ALL deserved a West Wing post today!

A little back ground information is in order here... Simon (a.k.a. Special Agent Sunshine), C.J.'s special secret service agent, who was Anthony's Big Brother (Big Brother's program) was killed at the end of season 3. And to keep Anthony from going to jail for stealing a car, C.J. told the prosecutor she would find someone from the West Wing to play a role in Anthony's life...

C.J.
Anthony, I'm so sorry. Thank you for waiting. This thing came up at the last minute. A bomb at a swimming meet. You probably... I can take you home now. You probably saw it here on the television sets.

[He ignores her or turns away]

You know... I really miss Simon, too. That's... probably something we can talk about. I asked around today. I wasn't able to find anyone, but I'm not done. There are more people I'm asking tomorrow I'll take you home now.

[Anthony mumbles something]

I'm sorry?

ANTHONY
I said I don't need a baby-sitter, bitch. Are you deaf?

C.J.
I don't think you do need a baby-sitter...

Charlie who was walking by C.J.'s office overhears Anthony. Charlie walks into C.J.'s office, slams Anthony up against the wall and gets in his face.

ANTHONY
What the hell is the matter with you dawg?

CHARLIE
This is Ms. Cregg. She's the White House Press Secretary and senior counsel to the President. And if she wasn't, she would still be Ms. Cregg! I don't mind you not respecting people. I mind you doing it out loud. I mind you doing it in this building. You wanna be a punk, fine, but I don't think you've got the size for it.

You wanna go to juvey, get out, deal, and kill cops?

Okay, but every time you do a crime, you get caught, so I think you're gonna have to do something else. 9:00 on Saturday mornings, I eat breakfast at Cosmo's on Delaware. I come here for an hour and do office work, and then I go to St. Jude's for an hour to play basketball. You can go to juvey, or you can be at Cosmo's 9:00 on Saturday morning. It's entirely up to you.

Charlie releases Anthony and walks out of her office leaving C.J. and Anthony in the office alone.

C.J. Cregg, Charlie Young and Anthony.

20 Hours in America, part 2

Laughing, crying and a fake leg to boot

2010-01-11T15:12:00.000-08:00

I'm not even sure how to start this post, but it stems from a discussion Ineffably I had sometime last week. And since it had Ineffably laughing so damn hard, I decided to share it here. So if any of my family comes across this, it's not meant as any disrespect to anyone but Shithead, and there I just don't care. I call it finding humor in an otherwise emotional and painful time in life. But seriously y'all... these are true stories! You can't make shit like this up. Well, at least I can't, my imagination isn't that good.

This conversation took place at work while Ineffably was flat on her back with her legs in the air... but it was all innocent, she was dying from back pains or something. And I honestly don't remember how we got on the topic, but I started telling her the sordid tell of my one-legged grandma (God rest her soul) who passed away some years ago while I was on my mission.

Let me preface the tale with this... I loved my grandma, she was the most amazing grandma who instilled in me my love for books and learning. She was also crazy. She was an alcoholic (in recovery I believe) and smoked like a chimney as well. Due to the smoking, drinking and adult-onset diabetes, she had her left leg amputated below the knee sometime in the 80's. I think the leg thing and diabetes put an end to her drinking days.

So, in early/mid 1997, she died from something related to a quadruple by-pass she'd had back in the 70's. Before I go any further, I need to introduce a few more members of my crazy family. First, there is Harry. Now Harry is not real name, but never once did I hear him referred to by his given name. He always went by a variation of his last name, but for story-telling purposes, we'll stick with Harry for now. Harry was my grandpa's sister's husband... so brother-in-law. Next we have a cousin of mine. His name is Shithead. Simple enough, it starts with the same letter as his real name, and he really is a shitty, shitty shithead. Those are the main characters in our tale, along with the recently deceased grandma.

Now, there are two tales here... we'll start with the one involving Harry and grandma. Harry would have been in his late to mid 60's at this time. Harry, his wife (grandpa's sister), grandma and grandpa were always very close. I remember hours and hours of playing cards and rehashing the old days and all. So, it was no surprise that Harry was asked to be one of the pall-bearers at grandma's funeral. And Harry, having lived a pretty hard life and being older, he had pretty bad knees. So, at the funeral, they asked Harry to be a pall-bearer along with some of the grandsons. The funeral director, had told the family that as a sign of respect, Harry would be placed at one of the front corners of the casket on the walk from the hearse to the grave. And the family, knowing the condition of Harry's knees, insisted that he be placed in the middle and Harry agreed and requested that this be done.

So, when they get to the cemetery, Mr. Funeral Director gets back on his horse about the whole respect issue and places Harry at the head of the casket on one of the corners. And so the go trudging off towards the grave. Now, as they carry the casket around the bottom of the grave and round the corner, Harry, being on the inside corner, well, yes, his knee gave out and he went down hard. And, but by the grace of God and a quick grab by grandma's former son-in-law (a.k.a. my dad), grandma would have taken an early trip six feet down in less than what you would consider an orderly and respectful fashion.

pause for laughter

And yes, Harry was devastated and took a lot of consoling. But look at it this way, knowing grandma as I knew her, she would have been the one laughing the longest and the hardest, were she not squished up in the corner of the casket.

And now, story #2.

Shithead and grandma had always, always had, what could only be called, an extremely fucking contentious relationship. There were a lot of times, that I'm pretty sure they just out and out hated each other. Well, as I mentioned above, grandma only had one leg. And she had a fake leg, that always, always creeped Shithead out. Can't say that I blame him, but it was part of grandma and just really didn't bug me overall I guess.

So, after the funeral, it was decided that instead of burying the leg with grandma, they would donate the leg to whatever kind of organization reuses old fake legs. So, my aunt, Shithead's mom was the one who brought the leg back from the hospital after grandma had died. Well, not thinking of it, they sent Shithead out to the car to get something and when Shithead opened the trunk... there was grandma's leg... staring at him (like fake legs tend to do). Pretty sure Shithead shit himself that day.

Then, Shithead's wife or ex-wife, not sure what she was at that point in time, was working at the local hospital and was going to take the leg in and give it to whoever dealt with the recycled fake leg program. Well, she propped it up one night behind the door in her house to remind her to take it into work the next day. Now, Shithead is and was a big time drinker. Barely functioning fucked up alcoholic type guy, you know. So one night, he's drunk off his ass and comes stumbling into the house. And it's right at that time that grandma's fake leg fell out from behind the door. To this day, Shithead is still convinced that grandma's fake leg is still haunting his sorry ass!

There you have it folks. The story of crashing grandma's funeral and the haunted fake leg. I don't know if you'll find it all that funny, just reading it, but it seems to get a few laughs (thank you Ineffably)... and so there you have it. I should probably add like a moral to this story or something like... Be nice to your one-legged grandmas or they she will fucking haunt your ass for the rest of her life with her crooked peg leg or something...

And the country of the day is....

2010-01-08T06:54:00.000-08:00

So...Portugal is now the sixth European nation to pass a law allowing same-sex marriage. Thank you Portugal for this! It's amazing to me that a country giving all of it's citizen's the same rights to marry has come so far in such a short amount of time. And at the same time, the world is such a big place with so far to go. But today, I'm just going to be happy for the steps that it has made forward!

THANK YOU!!!

Hell Explained

2010-01-07T09:49:00.000-08:00

I received this in an e-mail today and loved it so much I thought I'd share it with all y'all!

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on University of Arizona chemistry mid- term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, w e can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting

'Oh My God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

As requested

2010-01-05T11:45:00.000-08:00

This West Wing moment is brought to you by special request of Popular.

SAM
What are you doing?

AINSLEY
I’m going up to Smith College tomorrow.

SAM
Why?

AINSLEY
It’s my alma mater.

SAM
Reunion?

AINSLEY
No, the women’s studies department is having a panel on resurrecting the ERA.

SAM
Who else is on the panel?

AINSLEY
Rebecca Walker, Gloria Steinem, Anne Coulter, Naomi Wolf...

SAM
You know, something like 40 percent of all women oppose the ERA, and in my entire
lifetime, I’ve never met one of them.

AINSLEY
[extending hand] Ainsley Hayes, nice to meet you.

SAM
You’re not...

AINSLEY
Yes.

SAM
You’re not!

AINSLEY
Yes.

SAM
You’re not, you’re not, you’re not one of those people!

AINSLEY
Sam, if, by those people, you’re referring to Episcopalians...

SAM
You’re going back to Smith College, the cradle of feminism, to argue in opposition of the Equal Rights Amendment?

AINSLEY
And get some decent pizza, yeah.

SAM
They’re gonna hate you.

AINSLEY
Sam, I’m a straight Republican from North Carolina. You don’t think they hated me the first time around?

SAM
Yeah.
...
"Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any state on account of sex."

It’s not a joke. [sits]

AINSLEY
It’s the Equal Rights Amendment.

[smiles] It’s redundant.

AINSLEY
Look... [throws down her pencil and gets up]

SAM
It’s redundant?

AINSLEY
The 14th Amendment which says that a citizen of the United States is anyone that’s
born here... that's me... and that no citizen can be denied due process. I’m covered.
Make a law for somebody else.
...
SAM
You know, we should make a joke about women, 'cause there's no law against that or paying them less money than men.

AINSLEY
Well, there is a law against that. It’s the Pay Equity Act. It's passed in 1964, when women were making 59 cents to the dollar.

SAM
What are you making now?

AINSLEY
79 cents.

SAM
So, everything's fine.

AINSLEY
No, there are still some problems. But I’m not worried ‘cause the federal government’s coming to the rescue.

SAM
Look...

AINSLEY
You think pay disparity is ‘cause some sexist in human resources hired two people for equal positions and paid the man more?

SAM
Oftentimes...

AINSLEY
And oftentimes women make less money over the course of their lifetimes because they
choose to.

SAM
Oh, goodnight nurse! They don't choose to make less money. They're financially punished for having kids.

AINSLEY
They made a choice to have kids.

SAM
Well, not necessarily if you guys have your way, but that's a different can of tuna.

I flat-out guarantee you that if men were biologically responsible for procreation, there'd be paid family leave in every Fortune 500.

AINSLEY
Sam, if men were biologically responsible for procreation, they'd fall down and die at the first sonogram.

SAM
If the Amendment’s redundant, then what's your problem if it’s passed or not?

AINSLEY
Because I’m a Republican! Have we met? I believe that every time the federal government hands down a new law, it leaves for the rest of us a little less freedom. So I say, let’s just stick to the ones we absolutely need in order to have water come out of the faucet and our cars not stolen. That is my problem with passing a redundant law.

SAM
When I was downstairs, I made a decision. I’m gonna register with the Republican Party, and I’ll tell you why, if you’re curious. It’s because they’re a freedom-loving people.

AINSLEY
We also like beef.

SAM
You know, you insist government is depraved for not legislating against what we can see on the newsstands, or what we can see in an art exhibit, or what we can burn in protest, or which sex we’re allowed to have sex with, or a woman’s right to choose, but don't you dare try to regulate this deadly weapon I have concealed on me, for that would encroach against my freedom.

AINSLEY
Yeah? And Democrats believe in free speech as long as it isn’t prayer while you're
standing in school. You believe in the Freedom of Information Act except if you want to find out if your 14-year-old daughter’s had an abortion...

SAM
We believe in the ERA.

AINSLEY
Well, go get ‘em.

SAM
How can you have an objection to something that says...?

AINSLEY
Because it’s humiliating! A new amendment we vote on, declaring that I am equal under the law to a man. I am mortified to discover there’s reason to believe I wasn’t before. I am a citizen of this country. I am not a special subset in need of your protection. I do not have to have to have my rights handed down to me by a bunch of old, white men.

The same Article 14 that protects you, protects me. And I went to law school just to
make sure. And with that, I’m going back down to the mess, because I thought I may have seen, there, a peach. [leaves]

SAM
[to Larry and Ed] I could've countered that, but I’d already moved on to other things in my head.

Ainsley Hayes and Sam Seaborn discussing the Equal Rights Amendment. 17 People

And here's to one hell of a new year!!!

2010-01-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

Again, I'm awful at keeping up on my blog here. It's a new year, I should have all these great resolutions about life and about blogging and whatnot. And I do, I really do. I've posted about resolutions a million times (like here for example) so I'm not going to really go into that. I think I need to get really good at those resolutions before I start coming up with other ones.

I have been on a few dates with this one guy, and I think I kind of like him. And to be honest, I think he kind of likes me. We have fun and we laugh a lot. And for once, I'm not wondering where I stand with him. And honestly, that terrifies me! I'm fucking scared of dating and the fact that I might find someone who actually likes me and me him. How messed up is that? Oh well, I told him that I have dating hang ups/phobias and he is happy to go slow and work with me on not being mental about it...so bonus points for him!

Anyhow, there is a lot going on, had like 11 days off from Christmas until after the new year. I didn't do much, stayed home and loved it! Christmas was great, love the family even when they drive me beyond bananas and crazy. I was watching the West Wing last night, and since I haven't posted in awhile, and don't feel like doing the travel log of my staycation, I'm going to do a West Wing post...ha!

And I think you think I'm made out of candy glass, Celia. If somebody says something that offends you, tell them, but all women don't have to think alike.
...
I like it when the guys tease me. It's an inadvertent show of respect that I'm on the team and I don't mind it when it gets sexual. And you know why? I like sex.
...
I don't think that whatever sexuality I may have diminishes my power. I think it enhances it.
...
He would be able to, but that isn't the point. The point is that sexual revolution tends to get in the way of actual revolution. Nonsense issues distract attention away from real ones: pay equity, child care, honest-to-God sexual harassment and in this case, a speech in front of the U.N. General Assembly. So, you, [to Sam] 25 percent on the assessments for Category A. You... [Charlie looks up.] I don't know what your thing is. [turns to Celia] And you, stop trying to take the fun out of my day. With that, I'm going to get a cupcake.

Ainsley Hayes to Celia (the temp), Charlie Young and Sam Seaborn on why Sam teasing her doesn't offend her and makes her feel like part of the team. Night Five

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T13:12:00.000-08:00

Ineffably showed me this Sketchy Santas blog a few weeks ago. This is my favorite of all of the posts... so enjoy and have yourself a merry little Christmas!

Not to pat myself of the back or anything....

2009-12-21T13:58:00.000-08:00

I tell certain people in my life that there are two things I do well... the first of which is cooking/baking. The second, well, some people know, and other people know. This weekend, in preparation for the rapidly approaching Christmas Day, I baked, and baked and baked. I decided for a few select friends/co-workers, I would do baked goods for this Christmas. I had a pretty ambitious list of items to bake this year. My list included:

1. Bread and Raspberry Butter

2. Gingerbread cookies

3. Spritz cookies

All of these were relatively new items in my baking skill set. Well, bread isn't... I've baked bread before. Not so much recently, but I have and my loaves usually end up looking funny, but they taste fucking fantastic. Anyhow, I decided to try these new items as well.

So... for the spritz cookies, I bought Wilton's Cookie Pro Ultra II Cookie Press. And if you've never seen or used a cookie press, I highly recommend you do it and do it now! I got the recipe from an old roommate of mine, and can I tell you I loved it! It is so easy and aside from the occasional mutant cookie, it is beautiful and simple and easy and awesome!

I had the most amazing day of baking, and here is what I came up with!

Merry Christmas all y'all!!!

Totally random West Wing find....

2009-12-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

I was looking for a picture of Donna Moss and C.J. Cregg for a totally amazing post today, and I came across this I Hate Andie blog. Now, I'll admit, I haven't even ready anything she has posted really, but I did find this one entry with these most adorable little caricatures of the cast from the West Wing.

So this is my West Wing entry for this week...enjoy!

God! I just love her

2009-12-17T19:52:00.001-08:00

Mmmmmmmm......

2009-12-17T09:49:00.000-08:00

Thank you Village Baker, thank you!

Sign me up!

2009-12-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

A few pictures from Puerto Rico

2009-12-10T15:26:00.000-08:00

I finally understand the phrase "taking your life into your own hands..."

2009-12-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

I got back from my amazing trip to Puerto Rico a couple of days ago. I haven't been able to blog since I got home because I think my soul died a little when I stepped off the plane into the sub-freezing degree weather of Salt Lake City. And while I was in Puerto Rico, for just a few days, it was an amazing trip. A friend who travels there frequently told me that Puerto Rico was the ugliest of the Caribbean islands. Well, you know what, I'll take it. Compared to Salt Lake at the moment, it is fucking paradise wrapped in heavenly something or other.

The island reminded me of Miami in a lot of ways. Beaches, palm trees, bars on windows, concrete buildings, just to name a few. And I am sure over the next few days as I readjust to life among the frozen chosen of Utah, I will blog more about it. But for now, I want to talk about the driving situation down there...

Below, I have a somewhat crude diagram of traffic patterns down in the Isla Del Encanto ...

It seems to me that for every one lane painted on the road, it is customary to try and squeeze 1 1/2 or 2 lines of traffic in that one lane. Blinkers, there are merely painted on the cars for decorative effect, much like Lightning McQueen's headlights in Cars. And cutting people off in traffic (especially on the freeway) is considered an art. Also, pretty much every car I saw there had dents and scrapes on the fenders and along side of the cars, with more than just the occasional missing side view mirror. So, as best as I can figure, driving in Puerto Rico feels more than just a little like, what I can only imagine, playing Russian Roulette feels like.

Another fun fact was the parking situation. As you can see from the photo below, sidewalks double as a parking strip down there.

For all it's craziness, I had an amazing time. I loved it! It would be an adjustment, having to always shave my entire body and pluck my eyebrows (both cultural things for men down there I was told), but I think I could totally adjust and live down there!

Paradise Found!!!

2009-12-04T12:09:00.000-08:00

On the left, we have the balls-freezing weather of good ole Salt Lake City, Utah. And on the right, we have the oh-my-god-it's-so-fucking-fantasicly-warm-beautiful weather of San Juan, Puerto Rico!

So, in less than 24 hours from this very minute, I will be in San Juan, Puerto Rico. I am pretty sure that when I do have to come home next week, I will die from the sudden drop of like 60 degrees in temperature, but you know what? For those few wonderful days in between, I'll be livin' and lovin' in the sand and surf of the Caribbean!

For those of you who know me, I so need this. My outlook on life has totally matched the shitty weather hear in Salt Lake City. I'm still working on the goals I put forth in this post. I wish I could say I have been more successful at accomplishing these goals. I don't think I'm totally failing, but I'm not succeeding either. So, this little mini-vacation should do me a shit-load of good (the good kind of shit-load). I'm excited to go, you can probably imagine how I'm bouncing off the god-damned walls today. Just need to make it through a few more hours if work and then I'll be taking the red-eye to JFK and on to SJU.

Oh, and even better, I've been told the guys in Puerto Rico (the ones of the gay persuasion) love, love, love blond hair and blue eyes! Now, I'm technically of the light brown hair type, but I've been told by a reliable source that I will pass. And I'm also so excited to see my friend who I am going down there to see. He's down there going to school. And I know it's hard on him being away from his family, but honestly.... he lives in my idea of paradise! And to make things even better, another good friend just happens to going to be in PR for work while I'm there. Hopefully I'll have some good stories and pictures to share when I get back. Until then, hasta luego!!!

This is "us" time....

2009-12-01T12:46:00.000-08:00

I just had yet another incident in the bathroom. Good god people! Standing at the urinal in the men's restroom IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE TIME OR PLACE FOR A CONVERSATION! Seriously, it is "us" gestures from chest in the classic "I" motion to penis time, "us" time I say. It is not the time to discuss work projects. It is not the time to discuss "how are you" topics. Don't ask about my family. Don't ask about my day. Just don't fucking talk, period! Why do some people not get that?

So, to solve this problem of people with no god damned bathroom etiquette, I put forth the following... staff each men's restroom (I don't know if women have this problem, and I don't spend time in women's restrooms, so I don't give a shit to be honest)with a librarian ghost. You know the one from Ghostbusters? She can stand there doing whatever it is she does, and when those bathroom talkers begin to talk, she can politely do the "shhhhh" that she (or he) is so good at. Then if they repeat the offense (and yes, it is an offense), she can give them a second, somewhat more stern and empathic "SHHHH!!!"

And then, if the offender continues to talk in the bathroom... she (again, or he) can give them the "bwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" And promptly kill them and send their wretched soul to hell, where it belongs!

in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits

2009-11-29T19:33:00.000-08:00

BARTLET
I'm sorry, um... you're Dr. Jenna Jacobs, right?

JENNA JACOBS
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
It's good to have you here.

JENNA JACOBS
Thank you.

BARTLET
The awesome impact of the airwaves and how that translates into the furthering of our national discussions but obviously also how it can... how it can...

He sighs, and addresses Jenna Jacobs again

BARTLET
Forgive me, Dr. Jacobs. Are you an M.D.?

JENNA JACOBS
Ph.D.

BARTLET
A Ph.D.?

JENNA JACOBS
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
In Psychology?

JENNA JACOBS
No sir.

BARTLET
Theology?

JENNA JACOBS
No.

BARTLET
Social work?

JENNA JACOBS
I have a Ph.D. in English Literature.

BARTLET
I'm asking, 'cause on your show, people call in for advice and you go by the name of
Dr. Jacobs on your show. And I didn't know if maybe your listeners were confused by that, and assumed you had advanced training in Psychology, Theology, or health care.

JENNA JACOBS
I don't believe they are confused, no sir.

BARTLET
Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.

JENNA JACOBS
I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.

BARTLET
Yes, it does. Leviticus.

JENNA JACOBS
18:22

BARTLET
Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here.
I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. (small chuckles from the guests) She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, and always clears the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff, LeoO McGarry, insists on working on the Sabbath, Exodus 35:2, clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important, 'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes us unclean, Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother, John, for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads?

Think about those questions, would you? One last thing, while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tightass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.

President Bartlet to Jenna Jacobs The Midterms

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T07:14:00.001-08:00

For flowers that bloom about our feet;
For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;
For song of bird, and hum of bee;
For all things fair we hear or see,
Father in heaven, we thank Thee!

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Congratulations Real Salt Lake!!!

2009-11-23T08:29:00.000-08:00

Congratulations Real Salt Lake!!!

Maybe next year instead of saying, "I should," I will make it out to a game. I'm not really any good at soccer, but I do enjoy going to the games.

Musical Mondays

2009-11-23T07:47:00.000-08:00

As anyone who knows me, Flamingo, they can tell you how much of a fan of Mondays I am not. And this Monday in particular looked to be sucking the big one... complete with a Sunday evening dumping of this white nasty stuff in Utah we call ~~evil white shit stuff~~ snow. I haven't decided which is worse, the actual Monday morning, or the anticipation (but the scary unwanted kind) of it on Sunday night. Anyhow... last night, as Roommate and I were watching V (I need to blog on that topic sometimes soon). Yeah, watching V and loathing the all too soon arrival of Monday, my beloved iPhone buzzed me... I had an e-mail. And was so happy to see:

What was even better, was that even though it didn't say it in the e-mail, it told me that Shakira's new album was ready for download as well! Just in case you didn't know, I absolutely adore Shakira... she is the musical equivelant of Allison Janney in my world (just to put it into perspective for you Flamingo fans). Rihanna is also on my list of "girl" crushes. So I was pretty much was needing a towel after reading that e-mail.

So now, I'm the proud of honor of both She Wolf and Rated R. Now I haven't listened to them both fully and in depth yet... but I'm working my way through them, and so far I'm totally enamored. I'm loving Shakira's new stuff especially! Damn, I think I need another towel after just blogging about it... mmmmm!

Like ya do...

2009-11-22T08:18:00.000-08:00

Annabeth (to CJ): "You want to emphatically deny something you have no problem with and make it publically clear this is a private matter?"

***

C.J.: "What are you — 4'10?"
Annabeth: "4'11."
C.J.: "I can't believe we're the same species."

C.J. Cregg and Annabeth Schott Faith Based Initiative

Hey Sam, this one might know something

2009-11-18T18:14:00.000-08:00

I'd like to do well on this, my first assignment. Any advice you could give me that might point me the way of success would be, by me, appreciated.

Well, not speaking in iambic pentameter might be a step in the right direction.

Ainsley Hayes and Lionel Tribbey And It's Surely to Their Credit

Today's Random Wikipedia Post

2009-11-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

Tramp

In British English and traditional American English usage, a tramp is a long term homeless person who travels from place to place as an itinerant vagrant, traditionally walking or hiking all year round.

While some tramps may do odd jobs from time to time, unlike other temporarily homeless people they do not seek out regular work and support themselves by other means such as begging or scavenging. This is in contrast to:

- bum, a stationary homeless person who does not work, and who begs or steals for a living in one place.
- hobo, a homeless person who travels from place to place looking for work, often by "freighthopping," illegally catching rides on freight trains
- Schnorrer, a Yiddish term for a person who travels from city to city begging.

Both terms, "tramp" and "hobo" (and the distinction between them), were in common use between the 1880s and the 1940s. Their populations and the usage of the terms increased during the Great Depression.

Like "hobo" and "bum," the word "tramp" is considered vulgar in American English usage, having been subsumed in more polite contexts by words such as "homeless person" or "vagrant." In colloquial American English, the word "tramp" can also mean a sexually promiscuous female or even prostitute.

Tramps used to be known euphemistically in England and Wales as "gentlemen of the road."

Reflections of Donnatella Moss

2009-11-13T09:30:00.000-08:00

Thank you Popular! I have had such a good time reminiscing on my love for the West Wing and the people in it, that I just feel the need to share more and more of it here on Flamingo's Roost!

I'm a madwoman, CJ, and it doesn't stop with the leak... Call the authorities. Send them to my parents' house in Madison... They'll find the Lindbergh baby in the basement... Also some post-its reminding me where I put Jimmy Hoffa... I framed Roger Rabbit

Donna to C.J. Cregg Bad Moon Rising

Today's Random Wikipedia Post

2009-11-13T09:26:00.000-08:00

Light-crowned Spinetail

The Light-crowned Spinetail (Cranioleuca albiceps) is a species of bird in the Furnariidae family. It is found in Bolivia and Peru. Its natural habitat is subtropical or tropical moist montanes.

I think I'd make an awesome Greek guy!

2009-11-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskevidekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví (Παρασκευή) (meaning Friday), and dekatreís (δεκατρείς) (meaning thirteen), attached to phobía (φοβία) (meaning fear).

But if I'm going to be the awesome Greek guy... maybe I should learn to speak Greek? Cause I sure as hell can't come close to pronouncing that word. Anyhow, I love useless knowledge like this (thank you Wikipedia... I LOVE you). I think I'll start a new posting section... Today's Random Wikipedia Fact... or something like that.

It's what's real on the inside that counts

2009-11-13T07:08:00.000-08:00

I've always loved Dolly, but this just adds to how great I really think she is. If more people shared her views, how much better world would this be?

I just don't even know anymore...

2009-11-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

Last night I had the weirdest, most random dream...

I'm sitting in the back seat of Princess's late 90's gold Toyota Corolla. I find this very odd, Princess does not own a late 90's gold Toyota Corolla, but alas, here I am in the back seat. Princess and the Zombie Queen are up front talking about something. I can hear them, but I have no idea what their conversation is about. We are driving through an abandoned shopping center parking lot. It looks to be just before sunset, but I can't be sure.

Across the street, there sits an older home. And for some reason, I know this house, it is familiar. I think I saw it on some ghost hunting show at some point. And I remember it was a total hotbed of paranormal activity.

Princess guns it in the late 90's gold Toyota Corolla (I just like saying it...). I notice that the driveway to said haunted house is covered in frost or a light dusting of snow. That is when he cranks the wheel to the left and we start sliding sideways down the driveway... passenger side first. I brace myself for the instant death I know is coming my way as soon as the car impacts with the garage.

The next thing I know, Princess, the Zombie Queen and I are in the late 90's gold Toyota Corolla sitting in the backyard of the haunted house. The garage is now gone, Princess demolished it without even scratching his late 90's gold Toyota Corolla.

We get out of the car, the back of the house looks gutted. The walls are nothing but 2x4 framing. There is one door that leads downstairs into what I can only assume would be the basement. At this point, we are joined by the Zombie Queen's hubby #1. I don't know what we are looking for, but I know it is located in the "Crystal Room". We walk down a long hall and find shallow containers with full on koi ponds in each one. There are probably 20 Rubbermaid koi ponds lining three of the four walls in the room.

As we walk along, the koi start jumping out of the Rubbermaid ponds and into the large central pond that I hadn't noticed before. Somehow, the whole room has morphed into a large koi pond. We trudge through the now knee deep fishy water towards the "Crystal Room" (it had a sign and everything).

And this is where I woke up. WTF goes through my head on a daily basis? Sleeping or awake, god I am so damned weird. And yes, this was random and made no sense at all to me either. But I posted it anyhow...

The Eyes Have It

2009-11-06T12:11:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd add just a little more to the closing of C.J. Cregg week... what better way to celebrate this fabulous woman than by mentioning a smart, witty and hotter-than-hell co-worker of C.J.'s

I'll tell you what, let's forget about the fact that you're coming a little late to the party and embrace the idea that you showed up at all.

Mr. Willis of Ohio

No, honestly, I am dumb. Most of the time I'm playing smart

Six Meetings Before Lunch

Why does being gay mean you can't keep your hands to yourself? And with what kind of gentlemanly pride are the armed forces willing to lay claim to restraint in that area? You want me to go get the file on sexual harassment at the DoD? You want me to ask these guys about Tailhook

Let Bartlet Be Bartlet

I didn't want you to feel beholden to me. Like an episode of 'I Dream of Jeannie' where now you have to save my life or the time-space continuum -- or you follow me around with coconut oil and hot towels

In the Shadow of Two Gunmen, Part II

Fridays are great...but a C.J. Cregg week Friday kicks ass!!!

2009-11-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

I'm drawing inspiration from the strength of the Goff family, the descendants of Hunter John and the owners and operators of the Goff family mill for more than two centuries now. In 1846, when Theodore Odie Goff was the proprietor, the mill burned to the ground. Well, that totally blows.

C.J. Cregg reading a brochure to Toby and Sam. Manchester Part I

So, since it's a C.J. Cregg week Friday, here's a little more for ya...

No, I didn't mean that you have no social skills, Toby. I'm sorry if you think I was being insensitive to your... I... I think you're very--You're a very pretty girl, Toby

The Long Goodbye

Don't be fooled, they love us in Orange County. They're crazy-go-nuts for the President, though really the whole Democratic Party in general. I think they really like it when we come to town. When we were there last month, we were working the crowd and some young boys worried possibly that I couldn't afford fruits and vegetables on a government salary tossed me some of their own.

The California 47th

I thought my reflexes before, in the press room, were catlike.

Evidence of Things Not Seen

She has a list. She made a list. Haven't lists gone out with Joe McCarthy and hula hoops?

Eppur Si Muove

"They made him say Hail Marys as they beat him to death. This was a crime of entertainment.... Beyond the crime itself is a manifestation of racism or sexism or anti-Semitism or homophobia that are only the tip of the iceberg of the pathology troubling this country.

In Excelsis Deo

First of all, you're wrong. Second of all, shut up. Third, I went to Hoynes about your thing, and it wasn't him who talked to you and I believe him, and now he's really pissed at me, and he's right. And fourth... shut up again.

Enemies

So that leaves us with the televised classroom, the green beans, the stamp, and, depending on who those people were that were standing near me, the possibility of a story about me being good in bed.

Galileo

Dad, this would be a good time to mention that it's possible that an Egyptian cat goddess named Bast has put an ancient curse on me.

The Stackhouse Filibuster

C.J. Cregg week continues

2009-11-05T06:43:00.000-08:00

And as a special treat for our friend, Josh Lyman, who's recovering very nicely at G.W. The President's science advisors is telling us that psychics at Cal Tech and the Fermi National Accelerator Lab.....

You know what? I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be physicists.

C.J. Cregg during a White House Press briefing The Midterms

And a very happy C.J. Cregg week Hump Day to you!

2009-11-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

Yes. I agree with her. [points to Amy] Look, they take this job away from me, I got nothing. I don't have a cat. I could get one, but I don't have one. Frankly, I'm not wild about cats. I don't hate them. I'm just not... I could learn to like them, I guess, if I...

C.J. Cregg to Abigail Bartlet, Donna Moss and Amy Gardener. Dead Irish Writers

C.J. Week .... Election Day!

2009-11-03T07:27:00.000-08:00

Hartsfield has accurately predicted every Presidential election since William Howard Taft, who, by the way, was the founder of the seventh inning stretch where we sing Take Me out to the Ball Game, words and lyrics by Jack Norworth and Albert Von Tilzer. It's all part of the service here at Claudia's House of Useless Knowledge. That's a full lid. Thank you very much.

C.J. Cregg to the White House Press Corps. Hartsfield's Landing

C.J. Cregg week!!!

2009-11-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

In honor of Election Day, on November 3, 2009, Popular and I are dedicating this week to all things C.J. Cregg.

When I came in here, back in the late 50's, there was a purpose to it, but then one thing led to another and I blacked out. I mean, I can hang in there with the best of them, sir, but somewhere in the discussion of anise and coreander and the other 15 spices you like to use to baste a turkey, I simply lost consciousness.

C.J. Cregg to President Bartlet The Indians in the Lobby

So this time I'm serious! ...I think

2009-11-02T07:56:00.000-08:00

So, Flamingo here has been having something of a minor mental break down as of late. And so after a great little "come to Jesus" meeting with a friend the other day, I've decided I need to make some changes. And I've probably typed it before, but I will again... If you write it down/type it, you will do better at sticking to it... so here goes:

1. I will develop and maintain a more positive attitude.

2. I will not complain (as much or as often...come on now, can't just stop it completely)

3. I will not be overly sensitive! Not every action by those around my is intended to hurt, demoralize or kill me... (only some of them are)

4. I will take better care of myself, physically and emotionally.

5. I WILL go to the gym 3 - 5 times a week. (and not just half ass it...)

6. I will ask for help when I need it. (not just expect everyone else to psychically know that I need it)

7. I will love myself regardless of anything that happens.

8. I will eat better ...
> I am totally doing Ineffably's low carb detox/diet thing. I'll put up a seperate post if you're interested.

9. I will not be so fucking needy! Okay, I will learn to control it and not show it, even if it's killing me inside, so as not to scare off any potentials out there...

10. I will post more resolutions as I work and develop them in my new Flamingoness.

So there it is, my New Year's resolutions in November (if people can have Christmas in July, I can have New Year's resolutions in November). So, those of you who really know me, like in real life, just not via the internet... feel free to add any constructive (not destructive) criticism that you think will help me on this path to better myself. Loves ya!

I finally look just how I feel...

2009-10-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween Eve all y'all!

Cumpleaños felices a mí!!!

2009-10-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it was XX years ago that I popped outta the maternal maturation chamber. It's been an interesting ride to get to where I am for sure. Ups, downs, highs, lows, mountains, valleys.... call 'em whatcha want... but here I am.

So, I just definitely gotta say, Zombie Queen, Roommate, Princess, Nugget and a couple of others, thank you for turning not the greatest day into one of the best birthday's I can recall! I may not have everything I want in the life, but god damn! I have some fucking amazing friends in my life! I have an incredible family that I love (even if they drive me insane at times).

And to top it all off, I got a fucking 176 bowling tonight after yummy Cheesecake Factory! Again, to those friends who helped make this a great day.... THANK YOU!!! I <3 you all so very much!

What can I say.... it's the best of both worlds!

2009-10-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

So, according to an article by John DeVore, women love vampires and men love zombies....

What can I say... maybe it's the gay in me, but dear god... I love zombies and vampires!

Here are just a few of my favorites (movies, books and characters)...

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I know, not technically a vampire, but close enough)
2. Faith the Vampire Slayer
3. Spike
4. Angel
5. Shadow of the Vampire
6. Zombieland
7. Fido
8. Shaun of the Dead
9. 30 Days of Night
10. Interview with a Vampire
11. Queen of the Damned (more the book than the movie)
12. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (book)
13. Anita Blake and all of her vampires, zombies and wereanimals
14. Pandora (from Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles)

Thank the gods for that FBO!

2009-10-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

So last night I just watched the final episode (or 2 episodes depending on how you look at it) of Battlestar Galactica! Gotta say, love that show... as a friend put it once, it's kind of like Star Trek, but more flawed. Which I agree with, whole-heartedly. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Star Trek in all of it's many incarnations, but realistically, the people and their future are all a little too perfect. Now BSG, much more of a flawed reality. I can appreciate flaws, truly appreciate them...hehe!

So somehow I missed this... I don't think they are redoing the entire series, but they are retelling portions of it from the Cylon perspective... fuck yeah baby! And even better... it comes out TODAY!

Yes, I am a geek! I am a nerd. I am a dork. All of those titles that can be applied to those who like/love Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, and a plethora of other science fiction shit! I embrace it. I revel in it. It is a part of Flamingo. And yes, even though Flamingo is of the gay persuasion... he can truly appreciate the beauty of the Sixes (a.k.a. Tricia Helfer)

Just in time for Christmas...err....Halloween?

2009-10-27T08:07:00.001-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

For those of you looking for that just so special gift for the zombie-lover in your life...

Hey! Hey! It is NOT a beauty pageant! It is a scholarship program

2009-10-13T11:01:00.001-07:00

Just another note on President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize and all of the bullshit uproar it has caused...

Fucking grow up people! Seriously... I just read an article about how the jury who awarded President Obama the Nobel Peace Prize are now having to defend their decision...WTF???

"We simply disagree that he has done nothing," committee chairman Thorbjoern Jagland told the AP on Tuesday. "He got the prize for what he has done."

Jagland singled out Obama's efforts to heal the divide between the West and the Muslim world and scale down a Bush-era proposal for an anti-missile shield in Europe.

I don't even know what to say really... it all just sounds like a bunch of little high school bitches who didn't win homecoming queen, so all they know how to do now is tear down the person who did win it! He's the President of the United States for hell's sake! Even if you don't agree with it, congratulate the man on the honor he has been awarded and move on.

Okay, and I'm done ranting and bitching about it now too!

Some people shouldn't be allowed out alone...AMEN!!!

2009-10-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

I have some great friends... and sometimes I love the e-mails they send me. Especially the crazy right wing nut job emails. And it's even better when they send one like this one below that inadvertently bash their own crazies...

Greg just bought a new boat, and decided to take her for the maiden voyage. This was his first boat, and he wasn't quite sure of the correct procedure for launching it off a ramp, but figured it couldn't be too hard.
He consulted his local boat dealer for advice, but they just said "don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat."
Well, he didn't know what they meant by that, as he could barely get the trailer in the water at all!
Anyhow, here's a picture below.

You Gotta Love This Guy!!!

Some people shouldn't be allowed out alone!
And remember: They live among us and they VOTE!!!!

When I got this, all I could think, was "yes, yes they do vote...they vote REPUBLICAN!"

Dear Mr. President

2009-10-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

Dear President Obama,

Congratulations on your Nobel Peace Prize. And I really mean that. I honestly have no idea what goes into the selection and awarding of the Nobel Prizes, but I am sure it is done by men and women that are like a billion times smarter and more in touch with the world than I am. I fail to understand how this honor is being turned against you or why anyone would want to do that. Yes, I voted for you and for the most part I am very proud that I did. Could you do more on your campaign promises, yes, I believe you could. However, I understand that there are limitations on you even when working with a majority in both houses. As a gay man living as something of a second-class citizen, I truly wish you would move on many of the items you talked about in your campaign, such as repealing the DADT military policy, expanding federal benefits to same-sex couples, repealing DOMA and especially health care reform. Yes, you are making health care a priority...but there has to be more that can be done. There has to be a way to make it better. There has to be a way to keep what works and fix what is broken. So yes, I believe you have a lot of great works that are still in front of you that could be accomplished. But even still, congratulations on your Nobel Peace Prize and as you call it "your call to action".

Sincerely,

Flamingo

Rule #1: Cardio

2009-10-07T12:59:00.000-07:00

So, ummm... yeah! Fucking WOW!!! I loved this movie. It was so damned good! I would recommend this movie to ANYONE! Whether you love, hate or are indifferent to the whole zombie genre of movies, go see this one! Just "nut up or shut up!" I laughed my ass off. And yes, I will admit I jumped a few times (but I blame the preview for the movie Legion for starting that).

I'm also so looking forward to World War Z based on a book by Max Brooks. Who has also written The Zombie Survival Guide and the forthcoming The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks. Ugh, I need to get my ass going and finish reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and then move on to the Max Brooks collection. All the while, still enjoying the new found and extremely amazing distraction in my little mad scientist...

Just a few rules to live by:

#1 - Cardio ... "The first ones to go were the fatties..."
#2 - Beware of bathrooms
#3 - Seat belts
#4 - Double tap ... the zombies ALWAYS get back up after the first shot/blow
...
#17 - ~~Don't~~ be a hero
#18 - Limber up
#22 - Plan your escape
#31 - Check the back seat
#32 - Enjoy the little things

Dear FCC and your new blogger law... I was not paid for this rave review of Zombieland, nor have I ever spoken with or received any kind of compensation (unless you count the hours of joy I received from watching it and talking about it) from anybody even remotely involved with this fucking-fantastic movie!

Zombieland here I come!

2009-10-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

So today, after work... Zombie Queen and I (along with her straight husband... I'm the gay husband here...) are going to see Zombieland. This should fit in perfectly with my love of the funnier side of zombie movies (such as Shawn of the Dead, Fido and Boy Eats Girl).

I do have to admit I've fallen down on my zombie readings though. I love Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, but I am just having the hardest time finishing it. I've got like 10 chapters left...but for some reason my lazy ass just isn't reading. Maybe I can blame it on the new little mad scientist in my life... maybe...

My latest creation...

2009-09-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

I did this cake over the past 2 days for an 8 year old's birthday party....good god I'm exhausted now!

No good deed goes unpunished

2009-09-23T08:45:00.001-07:00

True story...last night, Roommate asked me to help him move his bedroom furniture because he was getting a whole new bedroom set today...bastard. Anyhow, we were moving the outgoing chest of drawers from his room in the basement to the guestroom that was so not in the basement. It actually was a very smooth transition, almost. This thing has got to be near 6' tall and maybe 3' wide. Wasn't too heavy really, since he had already taken out of the drawers and whatnot.

So we get it up the stairs and are maneuvering it into the guestroom. And then it happened. The rug on the floor, which I already thought was ugly, went right out from underneath my god-damned feet! So I landed flat on my ass, hard! As if that wasn't jarring and painful enough, the entire dresser came crashing down onto my left knee. Yes, my left knee, which is already my bad knee that I have to wear a brace on to run or play sports and stuff like that. So, after I had decided it didn't shatter the knee cap thing, it was semi-all good. It still hurt like a mother f'er. And there is a nice little bruise and bump to keep me company the next few days. Do you think I can get worker's comp for that?

One of my favorite people ever!!!

2009-09-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

Seriously...I love this woman and her blog and tweets! And I say it in the name of the eight pound plastic baby Jesus...AMEN!

On service and civic duty....

2009-09-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

I found this on asofterworld.com today and fell instantly head over heals in love with it! Although, I would have said something more along the lines of "Officer, it IS my civic duty to thank you for your service on behalf of like lots of people or something by providing a service or two for you...."

I knew they were evil and insidious

2009-09-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know...I suck!

2009-09-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

Holy hell in a handbasket with flowers! I f'ing suck at keeping up with posts here lately. What happened? The hell if I know... It's not like I have any new or exciting developments in my life lately... Here are a few highlights of recent activities:

1. Went out with a guy a few times... Kind of really liked him, but it doesn't seem to have worked out in my favor (nothing new there, eh? Hell yes! I am f'ing bitter and jaded about dating in general, and yet I keep trying)

2. Spent a week (well, 5 days) back in New Haven, CT for work. It's beautiful back there. I was literally on the campus of Yale the whole time there. Developed a bit of an inferiority complex (well, a worse one anyhow) by being around all the smart people. I did learn though, just merely by walking on campus that female koala's have two, yes count them two vaginas! Like one's not scary enough.

3. Flew home on 9/11 from above-mentioned work trip. I survived with little to no trauma or damage. Got to see a lot of very, very fine looking Army men and women (some particularly hot Army men...) America... even when we're f'ed up, it's a great place to live (despite certain Repulican attempts...especially in Utah)

4. Went to a BBQ at ZQ's house on Saturday (9/12/09). Had an amazing time and didn't even have a hang over the next day. Found out that I am almost, kind of, a little bit, half-way decent at playing the drums on Rock Band... they work like bongo's too if you're too drunk to hold the drum sticks.

5. Ate at the Red Rooster Waffle place. Fried chicken and waffles, together, at the same time... who knew?

6. Learned some about photography from above-mentioned couple of dates guy. Kind of still wishing it had worked out, I liked him... I digress though, photography... reminds me of being a yearbook photographer in high school. I loved taking pictures. So I ordered a book above-mentioned guy suggested. I'm starting to feel the need to express artistically again. Maybe this is a good avenue. I still love doing my cakes, get the urge to draw or paint on occasion. God, I need to cultivate these things, they probably would help with all of the shit in life I'm always complaining about...hmmmm

7. Made (from scratch) red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting (all from scratch baby!) for a friend at work last night. They were so good that even Roommate's mom's dog had to have some! Bad dog! Bad! Turn your head for a second and BAM!!! 4 cupcakes down the proverbial toilet. And yes Roommate, your mom is aware of this, and even she didn't think the dog would get the cupcakes off the table...grrrr

So that's about it... not a whole lot going on lately that I can think of. There probably is, but nothing more is coming to mind. I can say I'll try to do better, and maybe I will do better at blogging, but maybe I won't. Who knows? Stick around and find out???

It's on now y'all!

2009-09-01T08:18:00.001-07:00

It's like celebrity death match now! Okay, so just MAYBE I'm slightly over exaggerating my importance here, but with GOD and Satan both now following me on Twitter, how can I not feel like the prize at the end of the above-mentioned celebrity death match here? This is like almost as good as meeting Allison Janney...sorry GOD, sorry Satan...but come on now...it was Allison Janney...

Is it an omen? A portent? A sign of things to come?

2009-08-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

Is it worse to follow Satan on Twitter or to be followed by Satan on Twitter?

One small step for man, one GIANT leap for Flamingo

2009-08-31T07:11:00.001-07:00

A couple weeks ago I posted a question about motivation in regards to the gym and such...well, I think I'm finding it.

I was told by an acquaintance who happens to be a trainer at a gym that it takes about 21 days to develop a habit. The day I posted the above-mentioned question, I was talking to B about my concerns and lack of motivation and everything in regards to the gym. Now, if you've read the posts in regards to B, you'll see we were running and it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. At this point, B offered to help me with the gym stuff as well. Now, the running and all was great, but let's just be honest...we live in Utah. There is a limited amount of time that you can go running before the ass crack of dawn and not die from hypothermia, right? Yes, that would be correct. So, B suggested we start going to the gym on some of our mornings together, and I thought to myself "HELL YES!"

So B has now appointed himself as my own personal trainer. Maybe this is a completely wrong approach to take, but I tend to judge a trainer on his/her appearance. If they are toned and have a nice physique, I would assume they have an idea of what they are doing. I've seen several "trainers" at they gym who may have great arms, but they have a god-damned beer belly or something and inspire absolutely no confidence in their training knowledge/abilities. However, B, he has a pretty damned nice physique (and no, this is not me hitting on you...just stating a fact that we both know to be true).

So, for the past two weeks, I have made it to the gym a minimum of three times a week (the first week I did two days on my own after work). Last week would be four if you include our one day of running. For me this is HUGE! Seriously BIG, HUGE! I've just been going down to the gym with him in the mornings (at either 4 or 5 a.m.) and then heading on into work.

Now, this morning, when I called B at 5 a.m. he didn't answer (the rat bastard!). Anyhow, I was laying there calling him all sorts of name in my head (not only is it bad for me because I lose my trainer for the day, but it's bad for him since he doesn't get up). But you know what happened. Instead of rolling over and going back to sleep, I got my ass out of bed and went to the gym ALL ON MY OWN! I went to the gym and I did all of the exercises that I had planned to do with B. I worked the hell outta my chest this morning. I did my bench press, my incline bench press, my decline bench press and some tricep cable thingy! And I didn't half-ass anything. I did it with more weight and pushed myself like I never have on my own. So B, if/when you read this...THANK YOU! Even when you are not there, you are still being an amazing influence on me in this. You are a great friend to help me get this far. But don't expect to be off the hook on still working out with me other mornings. Me going to the gym either with B or on my own, that is a good habit to develop. B not answering his phone, NOT a good habit for B to develop!

This close to being straight > <

2009-08-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

Allison Janney...how I love thee...let me count the ways:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

All this love...and it's only Friday...hehe

Best $0.99 I've ever spent!

2009-08-28T10:26:00.001-07:00

So, this TFLN app is by far the best $0.99 I have ever spent in my life! I love this site, it's dirty and nasty and I'm in love! And now I can catch up on reading anywhere, anytime!

And the other app, the Sex Facts one, it was free and has over 500 random sex facts (but it's not a sex guide mind you...just the facts ma'am). Some examples are:

44% of couples would have sex in public (Das Eine)

Around 100 B.C. in Babylon all women had to go to the temple of the fertility goddess Mylitta to have sex with a stranger. Only then were the women allowed to marry. The stranger, in return, had to donate money to the temple. (The History of Prostitution)

Sex is the safest tranquillizer in the world.

Males under the age of forty are typically able to achieve an erection in less than ten seconds.

A single sperm has to wiggle its tail 800 times to move forward one centimeter.

A 1998 Details magazine poll showed that 14% of women fantasized about Brad Pitt during sex.

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%.

In Ancient Greece, women exposed their vaginas to the sea to ward off storms (see they are scary)

Yeah, I'm an iPhone whore now...oh well!

Motivational Speaker(s)

2009-08-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

I am so struggling with the motivation to go the gym this past week. I have seen a tiny bit in the way of results since I started going a few weeks ago. But still, I'm having a hard time keeping that motivation going. How do I do it? I hear a few friends talk about how going to the gym is an addiction for them. How do you get to that point where you have an addiction to healthy living, both eating, exercising and emotionally (everyone who knows me could agree I need to develop that good kind of addiction in ALL three areas there).

So how do you do it? I was told recently that it takes 21 days to develop a habit (good I'm assuming, because I've developed bad habits way faster than that). But I'm only going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week and I can't even get going on that. So, if anyone who has been successful at developing these good habits and addictions would be willing to share their secrets, I'd be an apt pupil! Oh, and just to throw it out there...I'm not looking for any just do it type shit...I can tell myself that.

Lesbians and straight men should fear me....and no, not for anything like THAT!

2009-08-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

True story y'all! When Roommate bought the house we live in last fall or so, it originally had a fence between us and our easternly neighbors. About a month or less after moving in though, a pretty pathetic windstorm knocked down a very large section between our yards and the neighbors (who are really nice and one time stopped our house from blowing up from a gas explosion that probably and most likely would have killed Roommate since his bedroom is like right underneath the gas meter and severely injured or possibly killed me...and yes I know this is a run-on sentence but I'm tired and amped up on caffeine to keep me conscious and so this is how I am talking at the moment so just deal with it)! So yeah, wind + shitty fence = seeing the neighbors backyard 24/7.

Well, then last spring, Roommate bought a good chunk of property from the other neighbor behind us, giving us a good 40 feet or more back there, I like to refer to it as the back 40, original, isn't it... So, earlier this spring, Roommate, his brother, his mom and two of his aunt's decided to build a fence across the back 40, so that eventually, Roommate's mom could let her dog out unsupervised in the back yard. Due to travelling and not wanting to, I wasn't much involved in building that fence. But around that time, I did see these great pre-built fence panels at an amazing deal from Home Depot.

Last week, Roommate asked me if I'd help him get the panels up and the fence built before his mom got into town this week. So we spent several hours Friday and Saturday building this glorious fence. And, let me tell you...it's amazing! Instead of pouring concrete to anchor the posts, we tried these great post spike things...

You sink them into the ground about 2 1/2 feet and they seem pretty good and sturdy. I'm sure that they don't compare to concrete and all, but the helpful Home Depot dude spoke very highly of them...I think he may have needed a wet nap afterwards...

And just so ya know...and maybe it's just me and my girly arms...but a sledge hammer is seriously hard f'ing work! And I may be even more partially deaf from the gong-style ringing every time the hammer came in contact with block of wood in the post spike. And it takes just a bit of effort to pound those spikes some 2 1/2" into the ground all-the-while keeping it level in several different directions!

But we did it! And other than the final post spike not working due to breaking off the tip trying to pound it through buried concrete next to the house (and no, it wasn't the foundation, it was chunks of left over concrete that the builders just decided to randomly in the dirt).

After many hours of hard labor in the sun (which thank god it was only in the 70's on Saturday)....this is what we came up with...

So now all we need is a gate between the house and garage and Roommate's mom's dog will be contained quite nicely! Oh, and Roommate's mom was extremely surprised and happy with the results of the fence. This I know because she made a point of calling me Monday morning when she saw the fence!

And now Roommate and I are planning on going into the construction business...I think we'll call it Homo-HomeBuilders...we'll channel our inner-lesbians and wield them power tools...so beware all you lesbians and straight men!

Oh!

2009-08-10T20:40:00.001-07:00

And just in case you were wondering....I'm no longer the red-headed step child!

Once upon a time in Barbie land...

2009-08-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

So, I realized the other day that I didn't really explain how my 4:00 a.m. running sessions came about. Friend, who we'll call "B" from now on, and I had a discussion a month or two ago that went something like this...

Part 1...

B: I never make it to work on time. I'm just not a morning person and now I have to be to work at like 5:30 a.m. and I'm not going to make it.

Me: Sucks to be you.

B: Thanks! Ass...

Me: Well, duh! But at least I'm consistent and good at it.

Part 2...

B: Hey ass face...I found a way to help me make it to work on time.

Me: Get a new job with more sane hours?

B: No, jackass! A co-worker offered to take me running with him before work, then I can just go in and get ready at the gym at work...and be on time!

Me: That's great! I liked my sane hour job idea better though.

B: And that's why you're an ass.

Next Morning

Me: Hey there Miss Early-morning Barbie! How was running at 4:00 a.m.?

B: Great! Kicked my ass, but I did it and made it to work on time.

Me: HaHa! Did you wear your pretty pink Barbie pumps when you went running?

B: No, I knew I was forgetting something. But I'll be sure to wear them when you get your ass outta bed and come running.

Part 3...

B: So, today was my last day running with co-worker in the morning.

Me: Did the meds finally take effect then?

B: No you ass hat! He is going to be going running at nights with his wife now.

Me: That blows...what are you going to do to make it to work on time now?

B: I don't know.

Me: Want me to set my alarm and call you every morning and wake your ass up? (See...I can be a good friend)

B: I couldn't ask you to do that.

Me: You didn't ask, I offered. And I wouldn't guarantee every morning.

B: Why don't we just go running instead, since you're ALWAYS bitching and complaining about wanting to go to the gym, work out and get in shape and stuff.

Me: Ummm...okay (This is where my meds STOPPED working obviously)

That was about a week and a half ago that we had part 3 of the conversation. And still working on the consistency thing, we've made it out three times now...with this morning being the third.

I love the feeling I get after I'm done running to be sure. But dear god, it's a cold wash of dread when I hear that alarm go off at 4:00 a.m. But B has been great and he says it's helping him more than me in this whole thing...I call bull shit! I'm definitely getting the better end of the deal on this. So thanks B! You're an amazing friend.

My Life According to P!nk

2009-08-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title.

Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your Artist: P!nk

Describe yourself: One Foot Wrong

How do you feel: Please Don't Leave Me

Describe where you currently live: Glitter in the Air

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Funhouse

Your favorite form of transportation: 18 Wheeler

Your best friend: Ave Mary A

You and your best friend are: Family Portrait

What's the weather like: Who Knew

Favorite time of day: Let's Get This Party Started

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Stupid Girls

What is life to you: Just Like a Pill

Your relationship: U + Ur Hand

Your fear: Numb

What is the best advice you have to give: God is a DJ

Thought for the Day: It's All Your Fault

How I would like to die: Feel Good Time

My soul's present condition: I'm Not Dead

My motto: So What

The Wall

2009-08-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

So, A Friend has been going running in the mornings and I offered/asked to go with him since his other running buddy was going to be ditching him to go running at night with the wifey.

"This will be great!" Flamingo thought to himself.

It'll be a great addition to the 3 times, yes count them, 3 times I've made it to the gym in a little over a week. Now all you fitness buffs out there might scoff and laugh at that measly number of visits to the gym. But for me, it's pretty fucking fantastic. So if you're of the "oh, that's nothing" opinion, you can just go and suck it! I'm feeling pretty damned good about the little progress that I have made, thank you very much!

Now, I've started off well a few times before. I just need to keep the momentum going and not have days like Friday where I completely forgot to take shoes with me to the gym...and yeah, I know some people there work out in flip-flops or whatever footwear they happen to have on, but I don't. Mainly because I do 20-30 minutes of cardio, and that is just not conducive to flip-flop wearing (which I was on Friday).

Anyhow...keeping up the momentum, that's good and that's what I need to do. Another friend told me it takes about 21 days to develop a habit...so only 14 or so more days to go and I'll have a habit (I hope...cause it would sure be nice to intentionally develop a good habit for once instead of all unintentional bad habits I've formed over the years).

So anyhow, got up at 4:00 a.m. this morning to go running with friend. He works some ungodly hours, and so needs to go early. Can't go after work either, because he works a second full-time job. A Friend, if you read this, I have so much respect for all that you do to take care of your brood (and it's a big brood too!)

Anyhow, I did it, ran about a mile and a half with only 3 or so short spurts of walking (like less than a minute or so for each walking spell...which I think is pretty good for an out of shape bird like myself). So yay for me!

Then I went home and went right into the shower...didn't even go back to bed, even though I could have for like an hour or two. Then I got into work about 7:30 a.m. Again, yay for me!

But here it is, mid-morning, and I full-on, balls-to-the-wall, break-neck pace hit the proverbial brick wall! I'm pretty sure if you look really close at the brick wall above, you'll see little bits of birdie brain matter splattered all over from how hard I hit this damn wall. Oh well, if I can keep this momentum going (we're planning on going again tomorrow morning), it'll all be worth it on the trek, cause I sure as hell don't see this being a quick little trip to my new lean, fit, hot body (ha! I can dream, right?).

All shapes and sizes!

2009-08-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

Well, you know me, if it's zombie related...I'm posting it. Speaking of which, I'm still working my slow-ass through Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I'm loving it, just slow going for some reason. Hopefully I'll have more to report on it soon!

I do have to say though, my favorite passage from the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies thus far has to be this:

He then asked her to walk into the house--but she declared herself not tired, and they stood together on the lawn. At such a time much might have been said, but nothing was. Elizabeth and Darcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms around her. She was frozen--"What does he mean to do?" she thought. But his intentions were respectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess, which Elizabeth had affixed to her back during the walk. She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, "They belong to you, Miss Bennet."

Oh Shit!

2009-08-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

What do you say? Oops, my bad. I'm sorry? Ha! This is so what I needed on a Monday morning. Hopefully no one got hurt, but what dumbass did they let set the explosives? I thought these building demolition people were supposed to be experts at imploding the building, not rolling the damned thing over. Granted, I'd probably blow myself up long before I could even set a charge, let alone blow the building off it's base. I would kind of just ignore the commentary from the Today Show crew though....it's no where near as funny as watching a f*cking building roll over!

Back on track....now let's keep it that way...

2009-07-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

So, I had me a goal clear back whenever to start going to the gym again. Well, I did start back again this week. I have this great (for me anyhow) workout thing I found online. It gives you exercises and all that great stuff and puts it in a neat little routine. That's one of my biggest problems is just not knowing what to do when I get to the gym. So this helps, it's a three days a week starter routine. And so far so good, I've made it twice and done most of everything there, with 20 minutes on Monday and 30 minutes on Wednesday on the elliptical. So I'm feeling pretty good about this week so far.

Plus, I have Lagoon to look forward to on Saturday, as well as going to some Latin club Saturday night with my friend B and his girls from work. I'm totally excited about that. I haven't been to a Latin club in YEARS!

I've also decided, in my next life, I want to the be that guy I've seen at the gym this week. You know the one, the absolutely beautiful body and the amazing arms. He's the one who looks like an Adonis, and yet, for the couple of hours I've spent at the gym this week, I'm pretty sure I haven't seen him even touch a weight or piece of equipment.

And I think Princess gets back from his work trip to the Philippines sometime this weekend. So, I'm planning on getting back to yoga next week. I shouldn't have let Frisbee be an obstacle, since it really hasn't gotten up off the ground this year (again...)

Garden Pictures, as promised...

2009-07-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

Rosemary (in the pot), Cucumber and Tomato Plants

Baby Bell Pepper

Cantaloupe, Squash and Pumpkin Plants

Squash - Flower and a Grown One

Watermelon Plant/Vine

Baby Watermelon

Sweet, sweet, sweet success!

2009-07-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

So, if you look back a few posts, you will see my little happy-making garden I planted this past spring. Granted, I haven't been very good at keeping updated posts about my garden, but I have been very good about keeping up my garden. And it's finally paying off.

A few weeks ago, I got some green beans off of my bean plants. And let me tell you, they were god damned amazing. Roommate's mom cooked them up and they were so so good! Then over about the past two weeks or so, I have gotten 4 or 5 cucumbers. And wow! I love fresh garden veggies, love them.

And now, last night, I pulled off the first tomato. It's not huge, but it is beautiful. And when I get home tonight, you can bet your sweet ass I will be enjoying it. Also, got the first squash the other night, have yet to cook it up and eat it though, but I'll let you know how it goes.

My watermelon plant is doing good as well. It has three little fat thumb sized baby watermelons...mmmm! The cantelope plants have just exploded as well, no fruit on them yet, but lots of flowers and they are getting huge and over running each other.

I'll try to be good and get some pics up on here soon, as I know you are just dying to see my horticulture endeavors!

Get In Shape Girl

2009-07-23T09:40:00.001-07:00

Driving through a school zone this morning to run a friend to the ER (she's fine...just a migraine)...there was this crossing guard. She had to be at least 60 or possible even 70-ish. White, white hair, overly tan skin. Tank top and shorts under her yellow reflective vest. But instead of holding up her stop sign to help the little ones cross the street...she had a pair of dumbbells and was totally doing her morning work out routine. For what it's worth, great arm definition!

Like a red-headed step-child

2009-07-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

Okay...I'm an obsessive person. I know it, I admit it and if you doubt it, feel free to ask Roommate. My latest obsession...wanting a damn iPhone. In my department at work, I'm the only one who doesn't have one. When I went to Brando's 4th or July party, I was pretty much the ONLY person there WITHOUT one. I'm tired of feeling left out like a damn red-headed step-child.

And yet, since I have been a loyal at&t customer for going on 10 years now, I cannot get an iPhone at their new great low price. No, I have to pay beyond full price. So, I've spent I don't know how much time trying to figure out a way to get one without sacrificing my left testicle (sorry righty...he's my favorite). I still haven't figured out how I'm going to do it yet, but by god, I will...

And on and on and on....

2009-07-20T16:38:00.000-07:00

I'll probably going on and on about this show forever...but it was that great!

Planes, trains, Broadway and blisters

2009-07-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

So I am here sitting at JFK airport. I <3 NYC is an understatement. A big ole understatement. It has been so amazing here. I spent Monday - Thursday out on Long Island, Port Washington to be more specific for work. And It is beautiful and quaint and cute and everything there. I was fully expecting to see Andy Griffiths sitting there eating one of Aunt Bea's pies. I think I could totally live in a cute little town like that where you only have a 30-45 minute train ride right into downtown NYC.

Roommate and I then spent all day Friday and Saturday wandering this great city. It was a great two days. I had just an amazing time. I could ramble and ramble and ramble about it all. But instead I'll just post a few highlights:

- Figuring out the subway system...still not a master, but moving past the apprentice stage into journeyman.

- Blisters...next NYC trip, I'll be starting a training regimine a few weeks before to get into shape for all the walking.

- Time Square...I love the lawn chairs in the streets.

- Broadway...wow!

- 9 to 5: The Musical! I highly, highly, highly recommend it!

- Getting to meet my idol! Allison Janney, I loved you as C.J. Cregg, I loved you as Violet Newstead, and now, I love you in person. She is stunning, statuesque, beautiful and so incredibly nice and made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world for the few brief moments I got to talk with her!

- Central Park.

- Walking everywhere.

- Walking over the Brooklyn Bridge.

There was just so much and maybe I'll get to more detail through out the week, but I just wanted to get this up, since I know you've all been just missing me terrible!

If I can make it in New York, I can make it anywhere...

2009-07-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

For my job, I travel a bit here and there. I will be the first to admit, I'm not a very experienced traveler and get nervous at times. Mostly about getting stranded and missing planes and stuff like that. But I am getting better. This marathon traveling I've been doing the past month for work has helped me make big, I mean HUGE strides in my traveling confidence.

So, on Monday, I'm off to New York City for a week. I'll be spending a few days there for work, well in Long Island, technically. And then early, early Friday morning, Roommate is flying out and we are going to spend the weekend there. I'm pretty excited and nervous all at the same time. I've been in big cities before, hell, I lived in Los Angeles and Fort Lauderdale for a year each, but they don't really compare to the scale and immensity that is New York City. The premier "big city" for this small town/city boy.

I am so looking forward to it. If I can survive JFK airport and the limited driving I'll being doing in Long Island (I've been assured it is more residential-ish than Manhattan and so I should be okay), then I know I can really do this traveling thing.

Probably the biggest boon for me with this trip is getting to see Allison Janney in 9 to 5: The Musical. In case you don't know...I LOVE Allison Janney. I fell in love with her in the West Wing and it just grows as I see her in other things. Grows and grows and grows. Brando told me that if I go around to the stage door and wait after the show, there is a chance I might get to meet her, get a picture of/with her or an autograph or something. I can tell you right now that even the possibility of that is sending me through the roof!

So look for updates in the next week to see if I survive the big city!

Somewhat rambling...but a tribute in my own way

2009-07-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

Today at work, Ineffible had the whole Michael Jackson funeral going. It was interesting to see from time to time who was speaking and who was doing what. I do feel bad in all of this for his family, especially his kids. To lose a parent at a young age is something that I, thank god, never have had to experience. And is something I would never wish on anyone. Anyhow, it just all seems a little over done. Although, I am glad that it seems to be more of a memory of his contributions to the world as opposed to the farce or parody his life was in the later years.

I also feel even worse for Farrah Fawcett and her family. She had the misfortune of not only succumbing to cancer, but to die the same day as Michael Jackson and have what could have been all of these tributes to her memory nearly eclipsed. And I don't mean any disrespect or to tarnish the good memories people have of MJ, but it's sad that anyone should have to be so completely overshadowed in death like that.

So, even though it may be an odd way of doing it, I like to think of this as my little tribute to both Michael and Farrah. I never really knew either of them in life or had been a ~~fanatic~~ of their work (although, I do really, really, really love Farah in Charlie's Angels). May you both find the peace that we all deserve, but rarely find in this life.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight

2009-07-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

Governor Palin is stepping down, she is quitting. Whatever her reasons may be, I just hope that she will find the peace she is looking for. She just wants the media and all of those mean critics of hers to leave her and her family alone. While I will agree that a public figure's family should never be punished for that person's desire for fame, attention and power, she put them all in that position by seeking a higher office and thrusting the rest of them into the limelight. So, let's do what she asks, let's leave them alone and just all hope that Sarah Palin fades into the shadows and obscurity of history. A page that we can all hopefully turn and forget about. So, to Governor Palin, so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight. May you have a happy and un-media filled life far, far away from the public eye and public office deep in the heart of Alaska!

If I could hie to Draper

2009-07-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

So, for the 4th, I headed down south of the Mason-Dixon line in Utah, a.k.a. Draper, to a barbeque at Brando's place. Gotta say, hella far out of the way, but really cute area and cute, cute, cute condo!

Started off the night drinking summer beer. And wow...never had it before, and I'm gonna just say it, I liked it, I liked it A LOT! Not usually a big drinker here, but it does make for a nice social lubricant to help me get over my social anxiety in large groups. And yeah, it worked. I had a blast. So Roommate, you missed out...ha! Cute heteroally-challenged (yeah, I totally made up that word) boys (and a really cute not-so-heteroally challenged one too).

Like I said, it's pretty way out of the way, but had a great view of the Salt Lake valley, as it's up on the mountain. Not jealous of your winter driving there Brando, not one little bit. And I think you may be required to have a passport to get back into America from Draper, but I'm not 100% sure.

Some things I learned at Brando's 4th of July barbeque:

1. I REALLY like summer beer, a lot!

2. Drunken Wii bowling kicks ass

3. Someone out there has way too much time on their hands to make safe for work porn (go ahead and youtube it...just not at work, cause I'm not sure it really is "safe for work")

4. Homo's, alcohol, a few non-homo's and fireworks...entertaining

5. One lighter, wind, and trying to light 5 fuses at once...not a genius level idea...but again, entertaining

6. Cute boys make good mops

7. The little spinning flower fireworks sometimes jump 6 feet into the air of their own accord

Hella good time! Thanks again Brando!

Happy 4th of July

2009-07-04T08:21:00.001-07:00

Just a random wookie post

2009-07-02T10:17:00.001-07:00

Oh god... it was THAT good!!!

2009-07-01T09:15:00.000-07:00

So... yesterday... doing so good on my new start to eating better and you know... getting unfat. It was going really well, a little oatmeal for breakfast and a nice turkey and avocado sandwich for lunch. But then Ineffable happened. Yes, Ineffable (if you're reading this)... you happened. I was content, not even thinking about a craving for something sweet and totally not helping of the getting unfat. Then you had to go and mention your craving for candy or something. And all it took was "do you want to go?" and my will power and resolved melted like... well... like something that melts fast. (my metaphor maker just plain isn't working today... not one little bit)

So, we went to Dairy Queen...and I found this little beauty. The Banana Cream Pie Blizzard.

It was love at first site. And my inner-fat girl just HAD to have it. So, she and I (my inner-fat girl and I) had it. Maybe a better description would be that it had us. It had us at hello. One bite and I was in full-body orgasm mode, over, and over and over again. All the way down to last bite and possibly some licking of the bowl.

Diets and healthy eating be damned (at least for yesterday... hell... who am I kidding... I have the will-power of a f'ing wet noodle). So if anybody out there has any tips, tricks or magic what-nots to get back my will-power and determination... please share, please... Buddah and the eight-pound plastic baby Jesus know that I sure as hell am not getting anywhere with doing it on my own... ha!

But still, full-body orgasm inducing Banana Cream Pie Blizzard... thanks Ineffable... hehe

In response to the flaccidity...

2009-06-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

So in response to Brando's post...it's called roboporn for a reason!!! And yes, while I may be of the non-hetero persuasion, I can and totally do appreciate the Megan Fox slow-mo breast bounce. So I guess it's not just roboporn....

And I'll agree 100%...the story line left A LOT to be desired...but I didn't go to see an Oscar-caliber performance of anything...I went to see giant robots pound the f*ck out of each other...and boy oh boy did they...so to all you critics out there...SUCK IT!!!

Finally!!!

2009-06-28T08:26:00.001-07:00

Delta/Northwest finally got my luggage back to me, finally!

If this Flamingo could but grow wings and fly...

2009-06-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

Holy shit!!! I have heard travel horror stories from friends, co-workers and other people that travel for work, but until you've gone through one of your own...it doesn't even become fathomable.

So, I was in Vermont this past week for work. God, it is so beautiful up there. I love Utah, I really do...but seeing some of these other places just takes your breath away. Anyhow, I was supposed to catch my flight home Friday at 3:59 p.m. Around 10:30 a.m. I just happened to check my work e-mail and had this e-mail...

We are trying to contact you because our flight has cancelled. We have rebooked you on the best available flight and we'll keep trying to reach you by phone. Please review the information for new flight numbers, departure and arrival times.

Well, first off, I only have one phone # listed on my account with Delta, and they sure as hell had not called me. They wanted to book me on a 6:00 a.m. flight for the following day (today). That so was not going to work...so I called them. The first lady I spoke with was absolutely and completely useless. Granted, I was a bit worked up, but I didn't call her names or swear or anything (yay me!) But she was not offering any help. She wasn't giving me any options, just kept telling me "We have no control over the weather and flights cancelled due to it".

What I really needed was someone to book me a flight to get me home that same day! Not make me stay another night (at my own expense mind you...well, work's expense...but still). So, I asked to speak to a supervisor...and honestly, I'm not sure what she said...something like they don't have supervisors but she would get me another rep or something...she didn't really speak all that ledgible of English (I could go off on a whole diatribe of getting people with clear and understandable English to work on phones and drives thrus and stuff).

So Delta rep #2, she was amazing. I told her what was going on, and what I needed (which was to get home on Friday). So she looked up available flights and came back and asked me how soon I could be to the airport. She had me on a 12:30 p.m. flight to Detroit, then to Minneapolis and then on to Salt Lake City. A lot of stops, but it would get me home when I needed to be there (I had a family thing on Saturday that was not missable). So, I bid farewell to my new friends/clients in Vermont and want to say thank you for being so great and understand my need to get home right then.

So, needless to say, I had not yet refilled the rental car's tank. But did all of that and returned it with just a little time to spare. Now here's were the fun gets even more fun! The Delta/Northwest rep in Burlington, checked me in, and gave me my boarding pass. Which only had one destination on it, Detroit. So, since I was already past TSA security and there were no reps, I ended up calling Delta's 800 # to verify I was going to be making it to SLC, and they assured me that even though my boarding pass only said Detroit, I would be making it home.

When I got me seat assignment at the gate, it did print out both Detroit and Minneapolis on my boarding pass...so, getting closer. When I landed in Detroit, I only had 10 minutes to go from a gate on the A concourse to a gate on the C concourse, which is forever away. And I think the people that built the tunnel connecting the concourses were high when they designed/built them.

So, I made it and then was off to Minneaplois. I got in around 4:00 p.m. local time and saw that my SLC flight didn't leave until 9:40 p.m. So I checked to see if they could get me on an earlier flight...like the 6:40 p.m. And yes! there was an available seat and they booked me on it. I asked two different reps if my checked luggage would make it onto the same flight I was, or if it would come in on the flight I was originally booked on. I was assured it would be on the earlier flight. Either on was fine, I would be home and not in immediate need of the contents of my bag. No problem I though...WRONG!!!

So, made it to SLC, about an hour later than were supposed to land, because of weather and whatnot. Then, went to deplane, and the ramp agent who was supposed to get the jetway up to the door of the plane went on break or something. So there were 50 something passangers standing in the aisle for 15 minutes while we waited for someone to bring the ramp up to the plane. At that point, I think we were all ready to take our chances and just jump from the door of the aircraft to the ramp.

So, by the time I got to the baggage claim, I realized my checked bag was not there. Fine, no problem, they can deliver it or I can pick it up on Saturday. Alas, it was not meant to be. It looks like the dip-shit agent in Vermont only checked my baggage as far as Minneapolis...dumb bitch. Still wasn't too worried though. Until today, it's now Saturday, almost a full 24 hours later, and my bag is STILL IN MINNEAPOLIS! Goddamn it! Now I am getting pissed. Yes, it's only "stuff" but it's my stuff. And I don't want and really can't afford to go out buy all new dress clothes and cute undies that I had in the suit case. So...now it's wait and see. I'll keep you updated, and get some other posts up about my time in Vermont. Except for a shitty travel day, I've had an amazing past two weeks out on the road working with clients and all. Gotta say, all in all, I love my job!

I think I need a cigarette after this dessert...

2009-06-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

So...out here in Vermont...good ole Vermont. I seriously love this place! Came to a local restaurant called "Friendly's". And here at Friendly's you can get a "Happy Ending Sunday" to top off your meal. How can you not fall in love with a place that will give you dinner AND a happy ending. So yeah...the food wasn't the greatest, and the service totally sucked (they say there were short staffed that night)...but what the hell, I got a happy ending!

So I took a picture of the actual menu, but I only had my phone with me and the picture didn't turn out the greatest...so thank Buddah and the baby Jesus for the internet and downloadable menus!

A few Vermont pics...

2009-06-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

A few West Virginia pics...

2009-06-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Say what you will about West Virginia, but the scenery is so green, hilly, tree covered and just beautiful. And the people that I worked with out there were some of the nicest, friendliest I have come across!!!

Between a rock and not so hard place....

2009-06-20T15:42:00.001-07:00

Flew home from West Virginia last night, via Pittsburgh (the city of no gas stations). And on the last leg of my trip from Cincinnati to Salt Lake City, I was sitting in the window seat between the window (obviously) and what had to be one of the largest, loudest breathing human beings I have ever come across. I'm a fan of the arm rest down between my seat and anyone else's...but, when the other person's girth that requires the seat belt extention prevents the arm rest from being employed, what do you do? Here's what I did, I pressed myself so hard into the window that i still have the outline impressed on the left side of my body. I know weight is a touchy issue and not everyone (me included) can easily control theirs. But for gods sake! 4 hours trapped in a smaller than usual airplane seat is not how to make Flamingo a fan of larger people on planes. Oh, and the kicker, I think he had sleep apnea or something and kept falling asleep and slumping over on me!!! How do you say, "Sir, please get your overly large self off of me?!?"

Has Pittsburgh gone green?

2009-06-19T13:23:00.000-07:00

True story...driving back to Pittsburgh to catch my flight home. Went to fill up the rental car and 6 freeway exits, 30 miles of residential/country-ish roads and 45 minutes later, finally found a damn gas station!

Your wake-up call, sir

2009-06-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

So...here it is midnight, on the east coast. I'm back east for work this week (and yes...I know I'm way behind, like a month on my blog). And BAM! f'ing fire alarm goes off in my hotel.

So, middle of the night, and a full on hotel evacuation! Actually smelled a little smoke on the way down the stairs...but apparently it wasn't anything really. Because about half out and three fire engines (two from the 1920's) later, they let us back into our rooms with no explanation of anything...I think I'll be pressing for more info when I check out in the morning!